


Different This Time

by foreverhimitsu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Baristas, Coffee Shops, Depressing, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Injury, M/M, Mild Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Threats, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Top Hinata Shouyou, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks & Nerds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9467549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverhimitsu/pseuds/foreverhimitsu
Summary: Hinata Shouyou is a barista at a local neighborhood cafe while attending university. A new regular, Kageyama Tobio, starts coming in on the weekends. They both take an interest in each other almost instantly, but can Hinata shake his past experience and open himself up to not only volleyball again, but also something else entirely new? [other characters to come]





	1. The New Guy

“OUCH.”

Hinata Shouyou, the young barista behind the counter of a local coffee shop, screeched in pain. He immediately turned on the cold water faucet and put his hand under the stream, sighing in relief. 

“Are you okay?”

The voice was instantly recognizable for Hinata, who jumped in response and turned back to the counter. Standing by the register was the new regular who had started coming to the cafe two weeks ago. For some reason, Hinata blushed, suddenly embarrassed by his previous scream, which he knew was higher pitched than most boys his age. 

“I’m okay, thank you. I just spilled some scalding milk on my hand, it will be absolutely fine!” Hinata shifted his hand to hide the reddening mark left from the milk. Now that it wasn’t under the cool water, it started to throb. “How can I help you, Mr...?

The man couldn’t hide his slight scowl as he looked at Hinata’s hand. “I’m Kageyama Tobio. I suppose I come here enough now that we should know each other by name. Nice to meet you..Hinata.” He glanced at the name tag on the barista’s apron before extending his hand for a shake. 

Hinata, a bit surprised by the gesture- hand shakes still seems so western to him- extended his own hand. “Hinata Shouyou. Pleasure to have you as a regular here, Kageyama. What can I get for-oh.”

As they shook hands, Kageyama flipped Hinata’s over to examine the angry red mark. When the hand tried to retreat, he held it tighter for a brief moment, until he noticed the slight wince and released it. “That looks like it hurt after all.”

“I’ll be okay, it’s not the first time I’ve done that...I’ve had worse,” Hinata gave a curt laugh, instantly kicking himself in the head. That certainly sounded fake, he thought, before pushing some buttons on the register. “What could I make for you on this lovely Friday evening, sir?”

Kageyama wrinkled his nose. “We must be close to the same age. Feel free to call me Kageyama. And...hm...” He put his chin on his hand, scanning the menu meticulously. “I’m wondering if you can just whip something up..again...?”

Hinata grinned, honestly this time. Both because he got to say the man’s name- Kageyama- and because he always requested a mystery concoction. He didn’t often get to invent drinks, and it took a special labor of love to envision the flavor palette and combinations possible with all his ingredients. “I’d love to, si- Kageyama. I’ll just charge you for a Latte today, and I’ll bring your drink when it’s ready!” 

Kageyama nodded, gave him some change, and went to take his usual seat in the corner across from the bar. It was a very strategic spot, as it was neighbor-less and next to a wall, so he could plug in his iPad. To top it off, he could easily let his eyes wander up to the bar station and watch the barista at work without a soul noticing. Hinata looked busy in his thoughts, staring at the syrups and flavors, so Kageyama trained his eyes on him as he set up his table.

“Hmmm....let’s do something sweeter today, it’s a Friday after all...” Hinata was mumbling to himself, as he did often when it concerned something he cared about. When he played volleyball, he was always mumbling about plays unless he was insanely focused; and now, in college and working at the cafe, he was always mumbling about his studies or his concoctions. He reached for the peppermint instinctively, but as his fingers touched it, they drifted away to the lavender. A rarely used flavor, but he was feeling inspired and daring. 

He grabbed their best black tea, whole milk, cream, and strainer, and got to work. He felt like someone was watching him- maybe a customer needing service?- so he turned around once but didn’t notice anything unusual. Just a few people littered the cafe, after all. A couple, three friends, a mother, and Kageyama. Hinata shrugged to himself and turned back around, watching the tea steep in the boiling milk and waiting for it to become the perfect color. That’s how he knew it was done steeping, almost instinctively by color or smell. 

When Hinata turned around, Kageyama nearly dropped his notepad, and he felt his cheeks heat up. Did the barista know he was being watched? Worse, did he figure out it was HIM? He lowly groaned to himself, watching from the corner of his eye for the man to turn back around so he could resume his blatant glare.

Hinata topped the latte carefully with a heaping layer of milk foam, drawing a little leaf in it as he went. It was one of the most simple designs, and the very first one he learned, but it felt fitting for this drink. Kageyama seemed like he would like tea. He put the cup on a saucer, and slowly walked towards the corner where he knew his guest was sitting. 

“I made you a lavender tea latte. I used our finest loose black tea, steeped strong in some boiling milk with lavender extract and a touch of sugar. You seemed like you are someone who likes milk, so I made sure to give you a thick foam topping and add a little cream to make it extra indulgent. It’s Friday, so you deserve to live a little, right?” Hinata winked at him, setting the latte down in front of Kageyama, and turning the saucer to face him. 

He stared at the drink astonishingly, listening to every word the barista said. He couldn’t help but grin at the milk comment, picturing his everyday trips to his university’s vending machines for a milk box. He also couldn’t help the slight fluster spread across his face after Hinata’s wink, although he tried to hide it in the steam of the warm drink. 

“It smells amazing. Thank you.” Kageyama didn’t know what else to say.

“Let me know if you need anything else, ‘kay?” Hinata flounced back to the register, tempted to jump over the collapsible counter; however, he decided it might not be the best idea, as there were still quite a few customers around, and the warmth of his hand reminded him of his current state of clumsiness.

The working boy kept himself busy, cleaning between customers as they began to increase in the after-dinner rush. Kageyama remained in his spot for hours, only getting up twice- once for another lavender latte, and once to go to the restroom. Hinata glanced in his direction whenever he could, but the taller boy was always staring at his tablet and taking furious notes. He vaguely wondered what he was doing. It seemed like he cared a lot about it, since he came to the coffee shop almost every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for hours to do the same thing. 

The crowds thinned as it got darker and darker outside, and before they both realized it, Kageyama was the only customer in the cafe. It was nearly 11:45PM. He groaned, standing up and stretching his long arms to the ceiling while arching his back. I shouldn’t sit that long, he thought to himself, before slowly packing his things. 

Hinata, who was looking at some notes for one of his classes, was startled by Kageyama’s movement and glanced in his direction. His eyes traveled up his torso to the tip of his hands as he stretched, lingering on the arch of his back. As soon as he realized he was eyeing this total stranger, he instantly blushed and diverted his eyes. 

“Do you live close by?” He asked, before his humility or pride could stop him. 

“Yeah, just a station over. I like to jog home to get some extra exercise in,” Kageyama laughed lightly. His physique was not lost on the smaller man, who had long ago noticed how lean but strong he looked. 

“Ohh, that’s so smart! I live one station away too, but I’ve never thought of jogging it after work, I usually rush to catch the last train...” Hinata trailed off, tapping his lips in thought. “I’ll have to bring a change of clothes and test that out tomorrow. Thanks for the idea, Kageyama!”

“Which station do you live near?” Kageyama realized he was holding his breath.

“Oh, I’m close to Fujimidai, one stop down.” He motioned his thumb, as if that meant anything.

Kageyama’s eyes widened a bit. “Oh, I’m also next to Fujimidai.”

Hinata’s expression mirrored Kageyama’s, eyes widening, a light blush creeping across his face. So what if the interesting new regular lived close by, so what if he suggested running instead of taking the train, so what if he desperately wanted to ask him to wait tomorrow and run togeth-

“How about- um,” Kageyama cleared his throat, dropping his gaze a bit to stare at Hinata’s hand, the red mark from earlier clear as day. “If you’re serious about it, I could wait for you to close the cafe tomorrow and we can jog together. It’s safer that way anyway.”

Hinata grinned, the smile almost splitting his face in two. “I’d love that. Is just after midnight ok for you?”

The smile was infectious, and Kageyama caught a similar, albeit smaller one, on his own face. “Take however long you need, I’m happy to wait if it means there’s someone to run with me. And I wouldn’t want you running alone, either.”

The barista led Kageyama to the door. “Well, just because you’ve been doing all these jogs, don’t think I won’t keep up with you!” He stuck his tongue out. It must be the sleep deprivation making him so playful with this guy, he thought momentarily before realizing he didn’t care. 

As Hinata held the door open, tongue out, Kageyama had to stop his thoughts from sinking into a pit they didn’t belong in.. He bowed slightly as he stepped out. He suddenly felt the separation of the doorway like a knife, slicing apart their new, fragile conversation.

“Good night, and see you,” Hinata whispered, closing the door abruptly and locking it. As he turned, Kageyama could almost make out a grimace, but his turn back into the faded lights of the cafe were so quick he couldn’t be sure. He shook his head, putting his backpack on his shoulders and lightly stretching his legs out before taking off in a jog into the darkness. 

Hinata didn’t turn around to look outside for quite awhile, when he’d be sure Kageyama was gone. He glanced briefly, and then turned completely to make sure he was out of sight. Groaning, he collapsed into the empty seat in the corner, fleetingly noticing it was still warm from the boy sitting in it previously. Hinata leaned back, covering his eyes with his forearm, breathing in and out slowly. Nobody had had this effect on him in a long time. The brief little butterflies told him so. But underneath that feeling of excitement was pure fear. 

“It’s different this time. He’s different this time,” he mumbled to himself while getting up to close the shop down. Although he repeated the mantra in his head until he was outside locking the door- “He’s different, it’s different, he’s different, it’s different, he’s….” he couldn’t help but feel some of those exciting butterflies fall to the dark sickness within him, wilting and crumbling into dust. 

 


	2. The First Run

Hinata chewed his meat bun thoughtfully, pausing to speak before taking another big bite. “I get what you're saying, but I don't think you're right. He must have just thought it'd be nice to have a running buddy yknow.”

Kenma paused the swift tapping on his phone screen for a brief moment. “Maybe. Don’t you want more than that though?”

He blushed, turning his face away from Kenma’s ever watchful eye. He seemed to read people like a cat, and sometimes that scared the orange-haired boy. “No, a running buddy is what I want,” he mumbled. 

“Sure, sure. That's why you brought it up, right.” Hinata scowled in his direction as Kenma got up from his seat in one fluid motion. He never stopped the typing on his phone. “The running will be good for you, since you quit volleyball.” He waved as he left the small restaurant, one of many in the area. He should be more thankful that Kenma bothered to meet up with him between their schools, really, but he didn’t hear what he wanted to.So instead, he sulked for a few minutes in the chair, alone. 

Hinata sighed before standing up himself. It was about time to head to the cafe, after all, and maybe Kenma wasn't wrong. He did feel a jolt of nerves as he headed to the door.   
\--  
Every time the door would jingle, alerting the coffee shop to any new customers, Hinata’s stomach would flop as he looked up. At this point he felt like he was almost dreading Kageyama’s arrival, and the jog that would come later. He slapped both sides of his face with his hands after an elderly woman walked in, murmuring to himself to calm down. 

He started forcing himself to ignore the door, and was lost in thought while staring at his supplies. I wonder what I should make today, he thought, eyeing the different labels and tapping his foot. 

“Hey.”

The sudden voice, so close, startled Hinata. He turned around so fast that his feet got tangled up and his hip rammed into the bar. He yelped, his hands instantly grabbing the sides of the counter so he could untwist his legs and stand up. 

“O-oi, are you okay..?!” It was then that Hinata noticed Kageyama’s hand extended towards him, almost like he was trying to catch him. 

“Oh yeah, I'll be fine..better my hips than my face right,” Hinata laughed awkwardly, rubbing his sore hip. 

“I didn't think I would scare you,” Kageyama couldn't hide the slight smirk on his face. “What were you so in thought about?”

“What to make you today,” he blurted before he could control himself, barely resisting the urge to cover his mouth with his hands. 

Kageyama's smirk widened. “Perfect. I'll take whatever your mind created.” He laid out 500 yen and went to snatch his favorite spot. 

The barista turned around and got to work. He couldn't help but notice his grin, shaking his head to himself. Reaching around swiftly in his well-organized corner of the world, Hinata grabbed his items and got to work. 

“Today…” Hinata gently placed the mug in front of Kageyama, who looked to be deep in focus and staring at this screen. “We have a honey chai latte.” 

Kageyama smelled the drink curiously before raising a brow, looking up at Hinata. It feels weird to be looking up at him, he thought for a moment. “Honey..chai..?”

The boy grinned and nodded before taking the seat across from him. “Yes. So, chai is a kind of spicy tea, and since it’s a colder fall day it felt like a good day to warm up. It’s also really good with milk and sweetened, but instead of using sugar I used local honey to add a different flavor and help any allergies!” Hinata rested his smiling face in his hands, completely settling into the seat. “Try it, try it, tell me what you think.”

Kageyama brought the mug up to his lips. He closed his eyes, breathing softly on it before sipping the mystery latte. His eyes instantly opened wide, and he gazed in awe at Hinata. “It’s...it’s-it’s amazing,” he whispered, shocked at himself for liking it so much. 

“I knew you would think so!” His hands clapped together, clearly happy. “Well, here comes a customer so I guess I better do my job,” Hinata winked and hurried to the bar, where an elderly man was waiting. There he goes with that damn wink again, Kageyama groaned into his mind. 

“That wink is going to kill me.”   
\--  
It was that time of night when the customers stopped really coming, and just a few stragglers remained, Kageyama included. Hinata moseyed between the tables, chatting to the strangers and picking up empty cups and plates. After loading the dishes into the small sink, he came to Kageyama’s table and sat across from him again.

“Can I ask what you’re studying?”

Kageyama took an earphone out of his ear. “Why do you think I’m studying?”

“Hmm….well,” Hinata tapped his lips. It was an interesting habit he did when he was in thought, but only Kageyama noticed that habit. “You come in every weekend night for at least a few hours, and you take notes so furiously in that notepad while you watch or read something on your tablet….it just seems like you’re studying.” He shrugged.. 

“Well, I guess you’re not really wrong,” Kageyama mumbled. He turned the iPad to face Hinata, who widened his gaze.

“You’re- you’re watching volleyball?!”

Kageyama furrowed his brow. “Yeah, I watch our practices and games and take notes about what I do wrong or what to work on or play ideas….why do you sound so shocked?”

“Our...our!?” Hinata whispered as he stared into the screen, eyes moving quickly back and forth with the ball. It looked instinctive to Kageyama. The smaller boy widened his eyes as he noticed Kageyama was the setter, and the uniform… “Wait wait wait, do you play volleyball for Waseda?”

“Yeah, I’m the starting setter,” Kageyama said proudly. Hinata’s face turned white and blank, and it wiped Kageyama’s grin off his face. Hinata’s mind was racing, remembering, taking him back to a time not too long ago, and he forget where he was. The dark haired boy stared for a moment, looking at the details of Hinata’s expression. It seemed like he was far away in thought, and Kageyama was almost scared to say something. “Do you not like volleyball or..” he whispered the question carefully.

Hinata’s glazed over eyes slowly focused on Kageyama’s iPad, the practice match still playing on the screen. When he came back to his body, he jolted upright, and a strong blush started spreading across his face. He looked almost scared, and Kageyama scowled more. 

“No, no, I like..liked volleyball, I just..um...I just remembered when I sprained my ankle and had to quit! It really sucked, and I had to stop playing, and I haven’t played since” Hinata turned around, offering a light giggle while shrugging, both hands in the air. “I gotta get to these dishes now, sorry.” He scurried away without looking back.

Kageyama watched his back the entire time, throughout the rest of the closing minutes, while the barista cleaned and worked on turning the cafe down. He was extremely stiff. Something felt...off, but Kageyama couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

The small clock on the wall chirped, telling the boys it was midnight. Hinata emerged from the bathroom, changed into a simple white athletic shirt and black jogging pants. His clothes were in a small backpack on his back, and he was twirling the cafe key in his hand. Kageyama couldn’t take his eyes off of the smaller man. He realized he had never seen him in anything other than his work uniform, and something felt so good about the informality of regular clothes. He felt himself wanting to see more of Hinata’s outfits, but he shook the thought away. 

“Ready to lock up and get to jogging, Hinata?” He nodded in response, holding the door open for Kageyama. This time, the line of the door to the cafe didn’t cut their contact, and Hinata stepped out with him, turning to lock the door. He double checked the lock and threw the keys in his small bag before stretching against the wall. 

“Which way do you run?”

“I usually follow the train tracks until I get to my street, which is past the station a bit on the left”

“That’s perfect, I can go with you until that street. I’m a little bit after that I bet.” Hinata jumped up and down, alternating his feet. “I’m good when you are- and don’t take it easy on the pace!”

Kageyama smirked. Hinata seemed back to the normal he knew. “Alright then, let’s see if you can keep up.” He started the pace a bit slow to warm them up and test the waters, but Hinata kept up just fine. He smiled at Kageyama- he must have caught him looking. Shit. He sped up the pace, but Hinata kept up without a problem. 

“Do you mind talking while jogging?”

 

Hinata shook his head. “Nah, go for it.”

“So, you used to play volleyball?”

Hinata tripped, and Kageyama instinctively reached out to grab him. The smaller boy pushed him off roughly, but then murmured a small “Thanks, sorry.” They jogged in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. “I played in high school…. But after the last game for nationals…. We lost…. I lived far away in a mountain, and...My bike tire popped and I fell down a cliff….I twisted my ankle and got pretty beat up….I couldn’t play anymore so….. I just stopped for good.” 

Kageyama scowled, watching Hinata’s face. It didn’t sound sincere, like when he explains his latte concoctions. It sounded like a story. “Why did you stop after you healed….. I’m sure your university has a team….. you could try to join.”

Forcing a strained smile, Hinata look up at Kageyama. “Yeah, they do…..you’re on it...ha…”

“Oh..oi, WHAT?!” Kageyama stopped and grabbed Hinata’s shirt, yanking him to a halt. “Wait wait wait, YOU go to Waseda too?” The smaller boy nodded, breathing short, light gasps. Damn, his breath control is really good, Kageyama noticed, a small “Tsk” escaping his lips. “Well why the hell wouldn’t you come play with us?!”

There was that laugh- that piercing, fake laugh. “You don’t even know if I’m any good, Kageyama.” He pushed the taller boy’s hand off his shirt rather abruptly when he realized it was there. “Plus, I just told you...bad memories. Let’s run.” Hinata started jogging, faster than before, not bothering to wait for Kageyama. 

Kageyama caught up without any trouble. “I can’t believe...we’ve never met...until your cafe…” Damn, shorty is better at this than me, I need to start sprints during practice. “And I can just….tell….you would be good….you’re clumsy and short but…...I can tell.” Something about the way Hinata’s eyes followed the volleyball in the video, or his crazy saves of tumbling cups and plates, or the way his body moved so gracefully around the cafe he knew so well- something about him convinced Kageyama that he was a serious volleyball player before. How could a small bike crash stop someone like that? 

It was then he noticed that, although Hinata’s face was flushed from the jog and the fall breeze, he was pale underneath that. I must have pushed it too far, I didn’t think a bike accident would be so bad..

They reached the street where Kageyama turns, and both boys stopped. “You kept up okay I guess,” Kageyama told him.

Hinata laughed between breaths. “Oh, okay? I think I kicked your ass, mister athletics. I guess you need to start doing sprints during practice, or you’ll never win any tournaments with that stamina of yours-”

“Come and make me, then.” Kageyama could not figure out what it was that was making him act this way, but something was compelling him to do anything and everything to force the smaller boy to come to volleyball. Something deep in his gut was telling him that Hinata needed this, needed to be forced, needed a reason to come back. 

Hinata’s eyes widened again, scanning Kageyama’s face back and forth. For what, he wasn’t sure, but whatever the barista found there seemed positive, because he put both of his hands to his head and ruffled his hair. “Tsk…..OKAY. Okay. I’ll come and try ONE practice, okay? Only to make sure you do sprints, teach you how to breathe, and to hit some spikes for old time’s sake.”

Kageyama raised and eyebrow. “Spikes? I assumed you were a libero.”

The most furious, determined, terrifying grin slowly crept onto Hinata’s face. “Yeah, most people think that….at first. You’ll see. Don’t get too out of breath the rest of the way- cool down, cool down!” He started jogging again, slowly, and waving Kageyama good bye. 

The taller boy waved back. “Oi, same to you! And practice is tomorrow at 7PM...DON’T BE LATE!” He heard Hinata laugh in the distance as he turned to go home. 

As soon as Hinata went the few remaining blocks and turned onto his street, he collapsed to the ground. He was shaking, and he held his small frame in his arms, leaning back onto his legs. “Oh, god, can I do this?” He murmured to himself, eyes closed and facing upwards. He opened them to stare at the moon. “It’s been a year and a half...I can be okay, right? It’ll be different this time. He’s different. Right?” 

He pushed himself off the ground a moment later, walking now, the last few blocks to his apartment building within sight. He felt the wetness of tears on his face, but he let the cold wind clear clear his face, enjoying the sharp sting they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 just a day later! Ayyyy 
> 
> I should be updating at least one chapter a week, if not 2, because I have nothing to do on my lunch breaks at work. :') But I hope this maybe piques your interest. What happened to poor Hinata? We shall see, we shall seeeeeee....


	3. The New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata finally makes it to a volleyball practice, 1.5 years after his last one.

Reaching for the very top corner of his closet, wobbling unsteadily on his toes, Hinata grabbed a dusty box and pulled it down onto the floor of his room. He sneezed before opening the box and staring at it apprehensively. He kicks it once, twice, almost as if it was an animal waiting to bite. Nothing happens, but he continues to stare for a few moments. 

He exhales the breath he had been holding in slowly and reaches into the box, pulling out his pair of volleyball sneakers. Setting them on the bed, he pulls out his kneepads and practice outfit, fingers skimming over the embroidered “Karasuno Volleyball Club” on the shirt. “Well, I won’t be wearing the shirt anyway,” he murmurs, and gingerly puts it back into the box. 

Hinata sits on the ground, pulling his knee pads and shoes on. The moment he stands up, it feels like an old friend is giving him the tiniest hug. He closes his eyes, smiling as he jumps in place, squatting and bouncing around, envisioning a gym in his head. It feels good, unexpectedly good, and the grin won’t leave his face. 

Well, I’m glad to know everything still fits and feels okay, he thinks to himself as he packs everything into a gym bag. He thought maybe his shorts would be too small, but after a quick try on realized they were actually just a little too big- he must have lost just a tiny bit of the muscle he had gained during days of constant training. I’ll get it back, a look of sad determination on his face. 

Inhaling one last deep breath, and then exhaling it slowly, Hinata looked at himself in the mirror before walking out of his room. He didn’t feel scared or nervous or anxious. Unexpectedly, he felt excited, like he did before a match, butterflies in his stomach and all. “Maybe it will be okay now,” he murmured, pushing back his memory and walking into the cool morning sunlight. 

 

Mondays were usually a bore, so HInata intentionally had a pretty full day of classes. If it’s going to be a rough day, might as well get as much as possible out of the way, right? That was his logic, anyway, although on this particular Monday all of his classes dragged. He could hardly focus. He checked his phone every 10 minutes for the time, hardly able to concentrate, and doodled volleyballs and nets throughout the day. 

Luckily for him, a late lunch was a decent break from that pent up energy. After sending a text, he went to the rooftop cafeteria, scanning the order machine like a hawk. 

“Oi.” A hand smacked his head playfully, and Hinata looked up to see his high school volleyball teammate, a tall, brooding blonde by the name of Tsukishima Kei. 

“Hey, Tsukki! What are you going to eat today?”

Tsukishima’s eye twitched. “Don’t call me Tsuk-”

“So, since I’m coming to volleyball practice today, I was thinking I should just order a large portion of gyuudon for stamina. What do you think?”

The taller boy raised his eyebrows in shock. “Oh? You’re coming to practice?”

Hinata nodded, suddenly flustered, pressing a button on the machine and walking with Tsukishima to the counter to hand over their meal tickets. “It turns out someone in your club is a new regular at my coffee shop, and he lives close by, so we jogged home together and I told him I’d come make sure he does sprints because I haven’t run in ages but I had better stamina than he did.” His face reddened, knowing full well his word vomit was just a tad senseless. 

“Ah, so you’re Kageyama’s new friend that’s coming to sit in on a practice...interesting.” Tsukishima stared at Hinata’s face in thought. “I’m shocked that he managed to get you to come.” He couldn’t help but feel a little hurt, although he masked the emotion under his snarky tone.

“Well,” the two boys sat down at a table and began eating, “I guess I miss it, and thinking about it I wasn’t upset, so maybe I can finally come back to the game.”

Tsukishima chewed his food. He always said so much less than Hinata, but maybe that’s why they were friends- the smaller boy made up for the silence he left. “I should hope so. I know it was bad timing but your bike accident had nothing to do with volleyball,” he reminded him, almost chastising. 

Hinata scowled, picturing the accident in his head. “I can’t help how I feel, Tsukki, and it was the day of the tournament and we lost and I was stranded out there all night and-”

“I know, I know, I’ve heard it enough. You don’t have the go down that road.” Truthfully, he didn’t want him to go down that road. Hinata was a mess after the incident- he didn’t come to school for a week, and never participated in club activities after that. For awhile his body was hurt, but then he said it was anxiety, that he remembered the accident every time he walked onto the court. They graduated shortly after that, and while Tsukishima continued playing for Waseda, Hinata still refused. It must have been about a year and a half ago, Tsukishima realized. That seemed like plenty of time to disassociate an unrelated accident to something you love, but if Hinata was excited to come to practice for the first time in ages, he didn’t want to squash that. Even if it meant proving he was right about something. 

They finished their lunch, Hinata asking about the different team members. He learned there were two other players from Karasuno- their second year libero, Nishinoya Yuu, and their old third year ace, Azumane Asahi. He was a little excited to see some old teammates, and they knew nothing of the incident in his third year, since they were ahead of him. 

Tsukishima and Hinata parted ways. Just a few more hours, he thought, bracing himself for the slow lull of afternoon classes.   
\-------  
The clock on his phone read 18:59PM. Hinata was suddenly so nervous, pacing in his volleyball shoes in the bathroom connected to the gym. If he didn’t know any better, he would think his stomach was secretly an olympic gymnast, as it wouldn’t stop flipping around. Maybe it was, actually. 

He jumped when the bathroom door opened unexpectedly. A silver haired man walked in and smiled at Hinata gently before turning to use a urinal. Hinata noticed his volleyball shoes, and the “Waseda Volleyball” text on his jacket. This guy was going to be at practice. He looked way too docile to be a volleyball player, he thought. Hinata was gathering his bag, and bent down to fix his sock, his knee pads at his ankles. 

“Oh, are you Kageyama’s friend that is coming today?” Silver’s voice had a soothing effect on Hinata, and even his stomach paused its acrobatics for a brief moment. The boy laughed. “Sorry, I noticed your knee pads and shoes, I hope I didn’t freak you out.”

Hinata stared at him in silence for just a moment too long.”A-ah, YES!” He grimaced. He sounded way too excited. “I’m Hinata Shouyou! Sorry to intrude on your practice.”

“Oh, not at all, Hinata! We’re happy to have you. I’m Sugawara Koushi, the co-captain. You can call me Suga.” He smiled brightly, bowing lightly in his direction and leading the way out of the bathroom. Hinata didn’t want him to stop talking. His voice was like calm water washing over him, quieting down his thoughts to run away and say he got sick. “Here, let’s take you to our practice gym and introduce you to everyone.” 

He followed the silver-haired boy into the large gym. Other teammates were already there, chatting and setting up the space for practice. Hinata spotted Kageyama, who saw them walking in and ran over to them. “Hey. I’m glad you found it okay, I realized too late that I didn’t get your phone number…” 

Sugawara laughed at him. “Wait, you invited him to practice but didn’t get his number? Ah, poor thing, it’s good I found him in the bathroom.”

“Ooooiiiii, do my eyes deceive me? Is that THE Hinata SHOUYOU?!” A boy even smaller than him shouted across the gym, before running over and tackling him. 

“H-hey, Noya senpai! Long time no see.” Hinata smiled at his old teammate, fist bumping like they used to. 

“I didn’t know you came to Waseda. What took you so long to come to the team? We could use quicks like yours. They were always unstoppable with my rolling thunders to back it up.” 

Kageyama raised his eyebrows. Quicks, huh? That could be interesting. 

“Ah, I’m just here because...Kageyama’s stamina sucks, so I’m making him do sprints. And maybe spike a few balls for old times’ sake. I quit after I graduated, after all,” Hinata laughed, a little higher pitched than usual. 

“You quit volleyball, Hinata? I’m shocked.” Asahi stood next to Noya, slapping Hinata’s hand in a high five. “Well, maybe I can repay the favor from high school and convince you to come back.”

“You guys know each other?” Suga looked between the three of them.

“Yeah, we were in high school volleyball club together, along with Tsukki.” Asahi and Noya snickered at the name, and as if on cue, the tall blonde stepped into the gym. Noya went over to a short-haired man, and they went over to Tsukishima together to harass him. Repeated “Tsukki”s was all anyone could make out.

“Oh wow, what a small world! I also went to high school with Sawamura Daichi here, our captain,” the brown-haired man had walked over, and bowed to Hinata, “Along with Yamaguchi Tadashi over there with the freckles and Tanaka Ryuunosuke, the baldy.” He grinned, pointing out the teammates scattered across the gym. 

“We’re happy to have you come out and join us for the night, Hinata. We heard you kicked Kageyama’s ass and are here to whip it into shape.” Daichi grinned. “If a starting player is losing to someone who hasn’t played in awhile, that’s definitely a problem, so we’re glad you're here to help out.” Although Hinata felt nothing but kindness and passion from the captain, he saw Kageyama gulp, and he slyly smiled. 

“Alright, team, let’s get to work! C’mon.” The captain’s voice reverberated through the gym, and the rest of the team came over. “We have Hinata Shouyou joining us today to help us with sprints and stamina. Apparently some members aren’t up to par. After that, we’ll practice serves and spikes, ok? Rewards for running.” He looked at Hinata. “Did you have an idea for sprint practice, Hinata?”

He nodded, smiling, a small glimmer in his eyes. His old teammates did not miss that, and gulped- they knew what was coming. “Yeah, our old Coach had a great regimen to build up stamina if he thought we were lacking...Let me tell you about Ukai’s Refreshing Routine from Hell.”  
\---  
Forty minutes later, the boys were sprawled out, some laying on the gym floor, others leaning over or sitting down. The one thing they had in common was their labored, heavy breathing. Hinata looked around and smiled- he didn’t think he’d ever want to do that again, but here he was, teaching it to others. His old teammates shot death glares in his direction. “I never...thought...we’d have to….do that….again,” Noya groaned, flopping onto the floor. 

“Alright guys….” Daichi recovered fairly quickly, Hinata noticed, assuming his experience played a part in that. “Grab some water, catch your breath, and then get to serving. Noya, you receive as usual.” Noya saluted his captain before running off to the wall, chugging some water from his bottle. “Hinata, were you planning to stay the whole practice? We’d love to have you after that great training session you just taught us.”

“Yeah, Hinata, why don’t you stay and practice with us? It’s okay if you’re rusty, I can tell you love the game,” Suga came over next to Daichi. 

Hinata was feeling good- no, great. What was I so worried about again? Smiling to himself, he got up off the floor. “Sure, I’d love to, if you have room for me!”

“Were you a libero like Noya?” Tanaka, the short-haired, energetic man asked. He’d taken a liking to Hinata.

Noya and Tsukishima began laughing. “Pfft, no, Shouyou’s receives are shit,” Noya told them all rather bluntly. 

Tsukishima nodded in agreement. “He was better at receiving the ball with his face than his arms.” The two laughed again, harder this time.

Kageyama, who had been listening in silence, raised an eyebrow. “What position did you play, Hinata?”

The smaller boy noticed everyone’s attention on him. He fidgeted a bit- this question always made him feel weird, although he’d grown used to it. Plus, it was always fun to explain WHY he played what he played. His explanations came in the form of actions, as they tended to leave the biggest impact. “I played middle blocker.” He smiled a sinister grin, almost begging someone to argue with him.

Kageyama scowled. “How in the world did you play a middle blocker, they easily have 20 or more centimeters on you-”

“I’m happy to show you,” Hinata smiled, suddenly full of fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy I'm doing 2 chapter updates in one day, because it was way too long for one chapter. I got carried away. Whoops! Ch 4 about to be posted too!


	4. The First Spike & The Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's first spike with the Waseda volleyball team, and the story of his accident. Or is it?

Of all the people to take the bait, it was Kageyama. Perfect. He remembered the video of Waseda’s practice match, and in the few minutes he had watched it, he could tell Kageyama was an incredibly good setter. That made him even more excited for what was to come.

Noya snickered, whispering to the team. “I think the rest of you should check this out. Ahh, I love the reactions, they never get old.”

Confused now, Kageyama turned to Hinata, grabbing a ball. “Okay, what do you want me to do?”

Hinata walked up to the net with him, taking the ball. “Alright, I’ll throw you the ball. I want you to toss it to me as quickly as you can- I’ll spike from right side. Sound good?”

Kageyama was dubious, but he nodded. “Alright.” 

Noya ran over. “Oi Hinata, I’m going to try and receive it, okay?” Hinata gave him a thumbs up before pushing Kageyama farther to the left side of the net. “A broad, a broad spike from the side,” he told him before stepping back a few steps. 

“Ready?” Kageyama nodded, and Hinata threw the ball in the air above the setter’s head.

When Kageyama was going to toss, time seemed to slow for him. Maybe that’s what it was that made people call him a genius setter, he wasn’t sure, but nobody else ever described this feeling. He cocked his head to catch a glimpse of Hinata, surely almost to the middle of the net now-

His eyes widened. Hinata was already on the other side of the net, and he saw him propel himself up into the air, higher than he ever expected someone to jump, let alone Hinata. Hinata’s eyes met Kageyama’s, full of fire, and they looked like they were begging for an incredible toss. He saw the boy’s hand winding up behind him. Well, Kageyama could deliver.

He tossed the ball to Hinata in a fluid motion, his fingertips hitting the ball and instantly sending it to the exact spot where Hinata’s hand would hit the ball. He saw it happen, heard the resounding crack of hand on ball, and then the loud slam of the ball hitting the gym floor only a millisecond later. Hinata landed, grinning at Noya, who was on the floor after trying to receive the ball. He turned to Kageyama.

Kageyama could still see Hinata in the air, the picture burned into his eyes. “What the hell was that?!” He walked over to ask. 

“That’s my trump card. Although, there’s no way that was the fastest toss you could have given me, I’m sure.” Hinata playfully smacked the setter’s arm, glancing down at his now red hand. That gentle sting from a successful spike, after such a long time, felt incredibly good. “I told you I wanted your fastest toss. I require only the best.” He looked smug. Hinata didn’t miss everyone else’s gaping faces, either. Oh, how he loved that look. He lived for that look.

Kageyama was looking at Hinata both like a new challenge and something else. Hinata couldn’t figure it out. What the boy said next was the best thing he’d heard in nearly a year and a half, though. 

“Okay then, smartass, let me toss to you more.”  
\---  
Hinata was rolling the balls into the gym storage room. He couldn’t wipe this dumb smile off his face. He almost felt like his old self, the one before the accident. He jogged back to the team, his smile faltering a bit. It was just for one practice, just to help Kageyama with his stamina, he remembered. This wasn’t going to happen again, he couldn’t ask for that. 

The group was whispering about something, and when Hinata came back they all stood silently. Daichi cleared his throat and looked at him. “So, Hinata, we talked and… we were wondering if maybe you’d like to continue coming to practice? Regularly?” 

Hinata shook his head vigorously back and forth. “Oh no, thank you for being so kind to offer, and for letting me come today, but I don’t want to intrude on the volleyball club’s practices-”

“You wouldn’t be intruding, Hinata, because you’d be part of the team.” Suga stopped the smaller boy, smiling gently at him, holding out a shirt to him. It was folded up, but the embroidered “Waseda Volleyball” was visible, glaring at him. Hinata’s eyes widened. 

“We all talked about it, Shouyou, and we’d love to have you back.” Noya spoke up next to him.

“Your old teammates vouched for you, and we can clearly see you could have something special with that quick and Kageyama’s tosses.” Hinata couldn’t help but blush at the captain’s words. “So, would you like to join?”

Hinata looked around, eyes wide, suddenly overcome with nerves. “B-but I have work, so I don’t know if I could make all the practices-”

“You work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, from usually 3 to midnight. We practice on weeknights and Sunday mornings. I already checked with your schedule and you have no excuse.” Tsukishima, with the observations as usual, stopped Hinata’s words in his tracks.

The small boy fidgeted, looking at his hands. He wanted to play again. He didn’t realize the pain he felt in his soul every day he went without playing. Volleyball was his drug, it made him feel alive, useful, wanted, strong. But thinking about the relationships he would probably build with this team, full of new, strange people, scared him. Suddenly, Kageyama kind of scared him, and he eyed the setter, eyes lingering on his fingers. He shook his head lightly to himself. He wanted to play again, he wanted to get better and be part of a team again. But could he…?

Hinata was snapped out of his thoughts by Suga’s soft hands on his hands, placing the shirt in them. “How about you take this home and think about it a bit? We’ll message you our schedule and you can come back to practice when you want to. You can take some time to decide if you need it.” The silver haired man’s smile put Hinata at ease, like a warm blanket from a childhood memory. 

“O-ok. That sounds good. I’ll do that.” He exchanged numbers with Daichi and Suga, and the team had a small meeting before everyone broke up to go home. It was around 10:30PM when the group made it to the train station, splitting off into smaller groups for the different trains. 

“Let’s head back together,” Kageyama looked at Hinata, who had been awfully quiet since practice ended. He nodded, and they both sat down on a bench, waiting for the next train. It was that weird time of the night, before the last few trains’ rush hour, and after the normal workday rush hour, where only a small number people were around. “So, what’s stopping you from just joining the team? The bike accident you mentioned last time?”

Hinata’s head snapped up in his direction. He grimaced. “Yeah. The accident. It was...bad. I was pretty beat up. I mean, I fell down a cliff on my bike and was there all night. Nobody found me until the next morning. I couldn’t move, everything hurt, I was bruised and banged up and..well…” He shrugged. “I guess since it happened after the tournament, and I was emotional, they said it probably was connected in my brain to volleyball. So I stopped playing. I didn’t want anything to do with how I felt after the accident, and I didn’t trust anyone anymore.”

He wasn’t sure what about Kageyama made him want to explain his story, or tell him all of this. But he did, anyway. Kageyama looked at him, frowning at the end. “What does trusting anyone have to do with it?”

Hinata turned his head away from his watchful eyes. “O-oh, well…..y’know, since nobody came looking for me.. Yeah, I just felt...abandoned.”

The setter eyed his back, his neck, his hands. They were gripping the edge of the bench so hard his knuckles were white. There was a smaller tremor in his voice. Something about it didn’t add up to him, but he couldn’t figure it out. Maybe he just didn’t understand PTSD, or anxiety, or pain, or whatever this was. I should be more supportive, Kageyama thought to himself. 

“I’m sorry that happened. I won’t abandon you, though.” Kageyama turned to face the train, as it sped to a stop to let new passengers on. Hinata glanced at Kageyama from the corner of his eye. He couldn’t decide if he trusted the words or not, but he desperately wanted to. They boarded the train together, turning the conversation to a more light-hearted one, learning about each other’s volleyball history, and finally exchanging phone numbers.   
\----  
The next day, Kageyama couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with Hinata. Something just didn’t seem right. He was meeting the volleyball club for lunch. On Tuesdays they were all done at 11, so they would usually meet up at a curry house next to campus.

“Hey, Four Eyes, what do you know about Hinata’s accident?” Kageyama interrupted the jovial conversation abruptly, unable to contain his question any longer.

Tsukishima raised his eyebrows. “Oh, wow, is the king showing some concern for a small plebeian like us?”

“Tsk,” Kageyama glared at him. “He told me about it and why he stopped playing volleyball, but…” His gaze softened a little. “The way he talks about it feels weird. Since you are in our grade, I thought you might know more.”

Tsukishima frowned now, no malice in Kageyama’s direction. “I don’t think it’s my place to really say…” He read the setter’s face easily, though, and could see his concern even if he himself couldn’t. The taller boy sighed.

“So, we lost the last match to qualify for nationals in our third year. As you can imagine, we were all pretty upset. We stayed to watch the final match before taking the train back. Even Hinata was quiet after our loss, which is unusual for that shorty. We were at the train station with Aoba Johsai, who beat us, so it was awkward to say the least. As we were getting on the train, Hinata realized he left something in the bathroom, and said he’d catch the next one and meet us at the next stop. He didn’t. He texted us that he missed the next one, and there was a delay, so to go on without him and he’d be fine. We didn’t hear from him, and he usually would message our group to let everyone know he got home, since he lives the farthest away and had to bike through the mountains. We figured he was just exhausted and bummed out.”

Tsukishima took a breath, closing his eyes. “The next morning, we still hadn’t heard from him, and we called his mother- she hadn’t heard anything either, and thought he was staying with one of us, so we all got worried and started searching for him. Our Coach saw him at the bottom of this ledge on his path home, and he had to call an ambulance...he didn’t tell us where he was, but I caught a view of him while being loaded into the car. He looked...bad. He had a black eye, and his neck was red. He was crying, and whenever people touched him he would scream. I’ve never seen anyone look so bad.” He let out a shaky breath. Tsukishima may not seem like he cares, but after three years with the small player, he had certainly come to a friendship with him. 

“He didn’t come to school for a week. We learned from Coach what happened- he apparently fell off of his bike, and he toppled over the ledge of the mountain. When he came back to school, he was different. Yeah, he was bandaged up and had healing bruises, but he was so quiet. He wouldn’t let anyone touch him. He wouldn’t step into the gym. He would sit and watch from the doorway, but after a few days, he quit. Myself and a few other third years demanded a reason from him, and he would only ever tell us that when he walked into the gym, all he could picture was being alone and broken, and he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to play anymore.” 

“I just felt...abandoned.” Hinata’s words echoed in Kageyama’s head.

Tsukishima sighed. “That’s his accident. I still don’t understand why it made him hate volleyball, but the emotions I saw him feel were too raw to be a lie. I couldn’t force him on the court if it made him feel like that, so I didn’t. He seemed totally fine yesterday, though, so maybe his anxiety has gotten better.” 

The rest of the team seemed humbled by the story. Suga wiped the water from his eyes, and Daichi sneakily rubbed his back with one of his strong hands. “We have to get him to join the team, and make him feel supported again. Make him feel at home on the court. He’s too good to leave on a loss,” Suga murmured.

Kageyama nodded in agreement. Hinata was good, and something inexplicable about him drew the setter into him further and further every time they met. Something still felt wrong about the story, but he filed away the feeling for a later date. For now, he would focus on making Hinata agree to be an official volleyball club member again. That, and getting to know the small orange bubble of joy better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh some more insight into why Hinata stopped playing volleyball. I'm really curious what people think about it, and what they are picking up from my writing. I also introduced the rest of our boys, so you can kind of see where I'm going with this!
> 
> I got carried away and wrote two chapters today but already wanna write more. I want to get to the good stuff and see what you all think! u__u


	5. The Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata runs into an old acquaintance unexpectedly, and his past fears start coming back. Warning: Potential triggers in this chapter, read at your own discretion

Kageyama hummed to himself, a rare occassion. It had been almost three weeks since Hinata had started coming to practice, albeit sporadically, and the pair had gone on a handful of nightly runs. Things felt complete, although before he didn't even know he was missing anything. Hinata had an insane synergy with his tosses, one he's never felt before, and Kageyama was itching to use their freak move in a real game. 

Practice was finishing up on a Thursday night, and it was a public holiday the following day. The team was chatting about what to do tonight. Kageyama met Hinata in the storage room as they put away the balls and net from their session. 

“Is the cafe open tomorrow?” Kageyama wondered if he would have his usual Friday night, or if he'd have to do something else. 

“Nope, the owners took off for a holiday and decided to close shop. I'm picking up some extra hours to make up for it on Saturday morning!” Suddenly, Hinata glanced outside of the door before turning his back to Kageyama. He threw his shirt off in one solid motion, tossing it in the ground in an effort for speed, before shrugging on a new one. Kageyama did not miss the opportunity to examine his back, which was even more muscled than he expected. He shook off his thoughts with a wrinkle of his nose.

When Hinata turned around wearing a giant grin, Kageyama couldn’t help but match it. On his small frame was a maroon shirt displaying the words “Waseda Volleyball.” It matched the one everyone else was wearing.

“Today felt like a good day for an official answer, since it’s a long weekend, right?” The smaller boy practically glowed. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time.

“Hey team, let’s gather for some announcements!” They heard Daichi yell in the gym. Kageyama gave Hinata’s shoulder a squeeze as he led the way to the group. “Alright, so tomorrow’s a holiday- no practice. Since we haven’t had a decent break in a while, we’re canceling Sunday’s practice as well. Try to have some fun, okay? After this weekend we’re going to be playing nonstop until the middle of December, when the Intercollegiate Volleyball Championship is.” The captain’s charisma was holding everyone’s attention. “Does anyone else have anything for us before we start the weekend?”

“I do!” Hinata’s voice came from behind the crowd. They all turned around to its location, and Hinata stepped out from behind his setter. “I’d like to officially accept the invitation to join the volleyball team, if it still stands!” They all got a look of their shirt on his frame before he bowed his torso, staring at the floor.

Suga gave Daichi a grin. Noya and Tanaka suddenly tackled their new teammate, who let out a surprised yelp before hitting the floor. “Shouyou, welcome to the team!” Everyone came over to congratulate him while picking their wild pair off the floor.   
\--  
“I’m so glad you don’t have work tomorrow, Hinata, so you could come celebrate with us!” Suga clinked his beer with the smaller boy’s soda. The team decided on karaoke, and they were all sitting around a table in a large room. Tanaka was currently screaming a song, already a few drinks down. 

“Me too,” Hinata grinned at the co-captain. They were talking back and forth, trying to pick out a song. A knock on the door paused the commotion as one of the karaoke attendants opened the door with a tray full of drinks. Almost everyone was drinking some form of alcohol, although the second years were mostly sticking to soda. Kageyama snuck a beer through the system, which he sipped happily. Tanaka’s song reached a pivotal point, and a few laughs drew everyone’s attention to his shirt, which was now waving in the air as he sang.

Hinata finally decided on a song, mouthing the band name “Radwimps!” to Kageyama across the table. He told Suga he’d be right back, and then went through the door to the hallway.

When the door closed, it was almost deafening how silent it became. He could hear various muffled songs through the doors, but it was a nice break from the noise. Hinata walked down to the end of the twisting hallway, humming to himself while finding the bathroom and walking into it. As he was washing his hands, lost in thought about his new teammates and training regimen, someone else walked through the door. 

“Ah~h, it’s always nice to take a quick break from the noise, isn’t it?”

The voice sent an immediate chill down Hinata’s spine. It sounded like someone he knew once- there’s no way it could be him, though, so without answering he reached for the door. 

Suddenly a hand grabbed his shoulder, digging into it strongly and turning him around. He was staring straight into the face of none other than Oikawa Tooru, the senpai setter from Aoba Johsai he knew from high school. He hadn’t seen this face since the night that they lost their game to go to nationals. He had been there supporting his old school.

“I thought it was you, chibi-chan~ That hair is quite distinct. How have you been?” Oikawa’s hand dug deeper into Hinata’s shoulders. His left one reached over, locking the bathroom door, and Hinata gulped. His entire body had turned cold and tense, and his gaze was at the floor. He couldn’t look at him.

“Not even going to answer your senpai, huh?”Oikawa smirked, pushing his body against Hinata, who squirmed in response. He grabbed the smaller boy’s wrists and held them above his head while pushing a leg between his. “Well, now you’ve gone and sparked my interest once more, Hi~na~ta. I see you’re playing volleyball again too?” He glanced at the text on his shirt. “Hopefully we can meet at the tournament coming up, just like last time, right? I know I had so much fun with you that day. I’d love to talk to your team members and tell them a few interesting facts about you from High School, too...” 

Hinata began to tremble. The words were cutting through his mind like frozen knives, and all he could do was focus on not crying. His face was white, his entire body being supported Oikawa’s rough grip. He could feel something on his leg he didn’t want to think about. He felt Oikawa’s hand reaching under his shirt as he pressed a forehead against his. “Look at me, chibi-chan,” the demand rang in his ear.

A loud knock on the bathroom door jolted the two boys, and Hinata started shaking further, trying weakly to pull himself out of Oikawa’s strong grip. The older boy sighed. “You got lucky today, but I’m sure I’ll see you around. Dream of me, chibi-chan~” Oikawa smirked before letting go of Hinata, roughly pushing him against a wall and unlocking the bathroom door. Hinata heard him talking to the man outside, letting him know the lock seems broken.

When his legs finally started to work again, Hinata turned, pushing past the man walking into the bathroom, and ran down the hall. He ran down the stairs, past the reception desk, into the outside streets flooded with people. He kept running, and running, and running, until his legs finally gave out on his apartment floor.  
\--  
It was Saturday afternoon, around 3- Kageyama’s usual time to walk through his favorite cafe’s doors. The jingle alerted the small barista, who looked up with a cheerful “Welcome!” His smile faltered just a bit, and Kageyama couldn’t hide his frown. That hurt.

He walked up to the register after setting his bag in his spot. “Hey, Hinata.” The smaller boy was avoiding his gaze by adjusting his apron and necktie. 

“How can I help you today?”

Kageyama’s scowl deepened. “I’ll take the usual, thanks.” He went to put money on the tray on the counter, but Hinata pushed it back.

“I’m sure I owe you for...karaoke,” he murmured, his voice cracking. He turned around before the setter could look at his face. He did hear a sad sigh from Kageyama as he left the counter.  
A few minutes later, Hinata brought over a steaming mug. As usual, he turned it on the saucer to face his guest. That’s when Kageyama noticed the art today was a cloud with little rain drops and a lightning bolt peeking out. “Today is a strong mint and pear latte. Enjoy.” Hinata’s words felt cold and blunt. Kageyama stared at his back as he left. He looked tense.

Kageyama took a sip. The latte hit him like a slap in the face. It wasn’t bad at all- in fact, it was quite delicious, just unexpected. The mint was strong, almost too strong. The sweeter pear flavor came in to try and lessen the intensity; however, by the end of the sip all you were left with was the cold sting of the mint on your tongue.

At about 5 minutes to closing, Kageyama walked over to Hinata, who was wiping down the coffee machines. “Are we running today?” The question came out a little more desperate than he wanted to.

Hinata wanted to say no. He didn’t expect to see anyone so soon, and he didn’t want to talk about karaoke yet. He hadn’t thought of a good enough explanation for his actions. He heard the sad tone in Kageyama’s voice, though, and he can’t resist. He doesn’t want to make anybody sad, and certainly not his partner in volleyball crime. “..Yes. Let me change and I’ll meet you outside, okay?” 

Shortly after, Hinata turned off the lights and stepped outside to meet Kageyama, turning to lock the door. While the barista outfit was a cute look for the smaller boy, Kageyama loved seeing Hinata in casual clothes. He pushed away an inappropriate thought about how casual he’d like to see his partner, as he wasn’t in the mood to explore that sentiment right now.

The two took off silently. Hinata was directing the pace today, and it seemed a little fast. The spiker was hoping they would run too fast to talk. He underestimated Kageyama’s ability.

“Hinata….I have to ask…..what happened….at karaoke?” It was breathy, but the question was finally out in the open. Hinata let it hang there as they continued to run. 

A few minutes later, nearing the train station, Kageyama asked again. “What..happened...at...karaoke?” It sounded louder, more demanding this time. Hinata flinched. They were almost at the street where they parted ways, just another block, and he could speed off and go home.

“Oi...Hinata...really?!” Kageyama, exasperated, yelled at his friend. Hinata shook his head and waved his hand at their intersection- he wasn’t stopping. Kageyama, frustrated, suddenly grabbed Hinata’s small wrist and yanked him backwards. The smaller boy yelped, crashing into Kageyama’s hard chest and bouncing off of it. 

“Damnit, Hinata...What the fuck happened at Karaoke?” Kageyama was breathing heavily and scowling. Hinata knew it wasn’t entirely from the run. 

Hinata shook his head. “Stop worrying about it, nothing happened,” he snapped, trying to pull his wrist out of Kageyama’s strong grip. “Let me go.”

The taller boy growled and wrapped his hand around it even tighter. “No, not until you tell me how and why you disappeared for no reason, and then didn’t return anyone’s calls or messages! I didn’t even know if you’d be in the cafe today!” 

“Please let me go,” Hinata whispered as he continued to squirm and Kageyama yelled at him, letting out all his frustrations. He was never the best with his emotions, and how he really felt- concern, care, worry, fear- always came out as anger. The spiker was pulling more furiously at his wrist, but the grip just got tighter and tighter, and sudden fear shocked his body like a lightning bolt. He dropped to the ground, furiously trying to get this wrist free. They were still sore from the night before, and now it was happening again. Why me, Hinata’s thoughts rattled in his head.

“...and- h-hey, Hinata, what…?” Kageyama noticed Hinata drop to the ground, saw him squirming, and suddenly the boy’s face turned. Hinata was white, eyes screwed shut, and tears were dripping from them. He was biting his lip as if he was holding back a scream.His eyes opened, and all that Kageyama could see was fear, horrible, terrible, true, fear. The look burned into his eyes and he instantly dropped Hinata’s wrist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Hinata instantly scrambled up off of the ground, and without another look in his partner’s direction, sprinted away as fast as he could, disappearing into the side streets. Kageyama stood there for minutes, processing what happened, trying to figure out what exactly happened, as Hinata’s face burned into his mind.  
\--  
He doesn’t know what to do. Hinata won’t answer his texts, or anyone’s texts actually, and Kageyama is still worried. Even more worried, now, then he was the day before. He sighed, throwing on a jacket and packing his small bag. “To the coffee shop, I go,” he muttered to himself. 

As he walked through the door, he let out an audibly sigh of relief. Hinata was there, behind the counter, helping an elderly man order a coffee. He frowned when he noticed how disheveled he looked, though, and he could easily see the strain in the smile he had for the customer.

Kageyama walks up to the register. “Hi, Hinata. Look, I’m sorry about last-”

“How can I help you?” Hinata’s voice cuts him off, cold and quiet, his face staring blatantly at the register’s screen.

“The usual,” Kageyama says. His money once again gets pushed back to him, so he collects it with a scowl and goes to his seat. 

Hinata comes faster than usual. “Here is your cappuccino. Enjoy.” There is no art this time, no turning of the cup to face him, and no creative flavors to experience. As if everything else didn’t tip Kageyama off, he knows there is something wrong with his little barista, but he was exasperated. He sent a quick text to Suga, asking how to console someone when they were upset, and find out what upset them, because Kageyama could not figure out what he did to Hinata to save his life. 

“Make Hinata feel safe, tell him you are worried and you care about him, and want to know how you can help.” Suga’s text made Kageyama blush- he hadn’t told him exactly who he needed help with. Somehow, the co-captain always knew, though, just like a mother. 

A few minutes to midnight once again, and Kageyama packs his bag. The day had been less than productive, as he couldn’t focus on his videos at all. He had nervous energy, and he was ready to run it off. He went to Hinata at the counter, who immediately turned his back to him while sweeping.

“Did you want to run today?” Kageyama felt dread in his stomach, because he already knew the answer.

“No, I’m tired. I’m just taking the train. I’ll walk you to the door.” Hinata’s words were still icy, completely devoid of his usual bubbly emotions. He held the door open for the setter, and as soon as Kageyama stepped into the cold fall air, the door shut and locked. It tore them apart once more. Kageyama sighed, holding back his sadness while walking towards the train station.

Hinata watches him go from the corner of his eye, and doesn’t let his breath out until the boy disappears from view. He collapses onto the ground, sitting against the wood of the counter, and watches the clock tick out ten minutes. He figures that was enough time to both miss the train and distance himself from Kageyama. Hinata picked himself back up from the ground, changed his clothes, and locked up the cafe. He slowly walked in the direction of home, lost in his thought, trying to find a story to get himself out of his mess with Kageyama and the team. 

He passes the street where Kageyama turns, briefly pausing, wondering how long ago he got home. He continues walking, passing the dark carport under the train tracks. Suddenly he gets pushed, hard, in the direction of the cars, and he falls to the cement with a yelp. His body stops the majority of his fall, although he does feel the painful scrape of his head on concrete.

Hinata scrambles to turn around and get up, but is met on the ground by a crouching Oikawa. “I thought I spied you from the road, chibi-chan. I was visiting a friend who lives here, but what are the chances of running into each other, again! Fate has been so kind to me lately.” Hinata feels separated from his body, but he knows he needs to run- Oikawa won’t catch him if he can just get up and-

“Tsk, tsk, tsk….no running, Hinata, that’s no fun.” Oikawa pushes him back down, looks around at the empty street, and quickly drags the smaller boy into the car lot. Although Hinata is squirming, Oikawa’s size and strength is too much, and he throws the smaller boy between a few cars under the darkness. Hinata scrambles to get up again, but Oikawa sits on his lap and presses his shoulders into the dirt. He smells of alcohol and sweat, even in the biting fall air. 

Oikawa takes one of his hands to Hinata’s coat, skillfully undoing the buttons and throwing it open. He reaches under the boy’s shirt, caressing his stomach and letting his hand wander over his skin. “Do you remember how much fun we had, Hinata? After you lost to us, and your team was so sad…” He smiled, watching Hinata struggle under his touch, his breathing labored and his eyes closed. “Do you remember how I cheered you up, chibi-chan? I do~” Oikawa’s sing-song voice whispered into Hinata’s ear. He ground his hips into the smaller boy’s, sighing happily when he hears a small whimper, feeling his hard shaft through their clothes.

The older boy laid his body down over Hinata’s. He slowly trailed his hand down to the waistband of his captive’s track pants, and he snuck it under the elastic band. He began to caress Hinata’s flaccid penis, squeezing his balls and rubbing the tip of his shaft until he felt it growing harder. “See, you look so sad now, and I think I need to cheer you up again...right, Hi~na~ta?” Oikawa’s grin became sinister, and Hinata started shaking.

He didn’t want this, he didn’t want to see this man ever again, he didn’t want to be here, feeling this way again- and so he let out the loudest, harshest scream he could muster. The wail deafened Oikawa’s ears, and he instantly withdrew his hands to cover them. He heard someone coming, and he scowled at Hinata. “You’re going to regret that, chibi-chan,” he warned him quietly as he quickly got up and disappeared into the carport. 

“Hinata..?” The quiet voice shook him to the core, unexpectedly warm and welcome. Hinata looked up from the ground and saw Kageyama squatting by his feet. 

“Hinata, are you...what…” Kageyama’s eyes were wide, taking in Hinata’s appearance. His shirt was lifted up, jacket thrown open. His hair was disheveled, his pants barely hanging on his waist, and some dried blood by his head barely distracted him from the tears welling up in his eyes. “H-hey, it’s okay, I’m here, I…” Kageyama bit his lip. “Can I come and touch you? Is that okay?”

Hinata’s eyes started leaking. Without a word, he pushed himself into Kageyama’s chest as his tears began to fall. His body was shuddering uncontrollably, but his gasps and sobs were muffled against his friend’s chest. Kageyama was warm, Hinata noticed, and he realized how cold his body had become while exposed to the biting air. 

Kageyama quickly wrapped Hinata up in his arms, holding him with his body, and letting him cry. He was worried about the smaller boy, so he had waited at the train station entrance until the last train, but he never showed up. He wondered if Hinata decided to walk by himself and, concerned, decided to follow their usual trail to see if he could catch up. The setter had never been so glad that he listened to his intuition. He still didn’t understand what he walked into, but Hinata was sobbing into his chest and shaking, and that scream was terrifying, so he knew something wasn’t right. He held him tighter, rubbing his head and enveloping him into his warm body. They sat like that in the dirt until Hinata’s body stopped its tremors, his wails turned into small sniffles, and his eyes dried of their tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor baby crow :'c This chapter physically hurt to write. It starts off so happy and ends so...not. I swear this is going somewhere DON'T BE MAD I'M SAD FOR BB HINATA TOO


	6. The Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata finally explains the recent incidents to Kageyama, and promises to tell him about his one, big lie- the lie he told to everyone, including himself, every day for the past 1.5 years.

Hinata shifted in the dirt, sitting upright between Kageyama’s legs and arms. The taller boy didn't let go, but continued to stare warily at him. Hinata didn't squirm or make attempts to leave his grip, so he figured it was ok. 

 

“I'm… I'm sorry, Kageyama,” Hinata sighed softly, resting his head against his friend’s chest. It was easier than looking into his face right now, after half an hour of crying on the ground in a parking lot at 1AM. 

 

“There's nothing to be sorry for.” Kageyama's voice was unusually soft and kind. He still didn't make a motion to move, even though his legs had gone numb and his arms felt stiff. He'd hold him like this until he was ready to get up. That felt right to him. “Can I...do you want to talk?”

 

Hinata knew a question would come eventually, although he was a little surprised it was such a delicate one. Asking him if he wanted to talk, to reveal the situation he walked into, instead of being direct with information and demanding of that. Maybe Kageyama was more caring than he thought, Hinata let himself think for a small moment. He felt numb, just like he did a year and a half ago. He remembered what came after the numbness went away, and he didn't want that again. He didn't want that anymore. 

 

“I man do taw.”

 

“What?” Kageyama took a hand and gently lifted Hinata’s gaze up. “You're muffled against my jacket.”

 

Hinata stared at his face, through his eyes, and it felt like he was piercing directly into Kageyama's soul. The smaller boy’s lids were swollen from tears, his face puffy and red, but his eyes were clear and wide. “I want to talk,” he said, clearly now. The smaller boy nudged Kageyama's legs apart as he gingerly pushed himself off the ground. Wincing at his sore back, he reached a hand out to his partner. “Come back to my place. I want to talk about... everything.”

 

Kageyama took the outstretched hand and used it to pull himself up. After brushing himself off, he looked at Hinata with a small frown. “Are you sure? I don't want to pu-you don't have to push yourself. I don't need to know anything you don't want me to know. I'll be here regardless.” 

 

Hinata shook his head softly. He looked so small suddenly, and it made Kageyama scowl thinking about how easily he could be taken advantage of. He wasn't weak at all, but what could he do against someone 20 or 30 centimeters taller than himself? 

 

“I want to talk to you. I want to tell  _ you _ , Kageyama. Will you come with me?” He looked like a small child, and Kageyama's heart sank further. 

 

“Of course I will.”

 

Hinata went to lead them out of the carport, and when they reached the street, he quickly grasped the setter’s hand. “So-sorry, I just d-don't…” he stumbled over his words before Kageyama interrupted him with a gentle squeeze of his hand. 

 

“You still don't have anything to be sorry for, dumbass.” 

 

They reached Hinata’s building, and went up to the top floor. At room 910, Hinata drew his key to the door and led them in. After removing their shoes, and Hinata bringing tea into the living room, they settled on the couch facing each other. 

 

“So… how do you want to do this? Should I ask questions, or let you talk?” Kageyama cocked his head. He slowly moved his legs so they touched Hinata's, the warmth radiating between them and warming them from their walk in the cold air. 

 

“I think I'll tell you about tonight, and karaoke, and then..before…. and if you have questions after, you can ask. Okay?” Hinata's voice had grown soft. He was scared now, and Kageyama noticed his hands trembling. He reached for them instinctively. 

 

“Of course. I'm here, ok? Don't be scared.” He rubbed the boy’s hands gently before sitting back, ready to listen. 

 

Hinata took a big breath before slowly, shakily, tearfully relaying the events from karaoke and that evening. 

\--

Kageyama was red in the face by the time Hinata finished. He had been quiet, letting him speak uninterrupted, but they had sat in silence for long enough to know Hinata was done with his speech. Now that he was done, he was angry. 

 

“Why did he target  _ you _ ? He doesn't even know you. I swear if I ever see him…”  Hinata sighed softly, dropping his head, and it brought Kageyama from his mental rage. “Wait… does he  _ know _ you, Hinata? Did you know him?”

 

Hinata had left out a majority of the conversation specifics while explaining the situations to Kageyama. “...yes,” he whispered. 

 

The taller one of the two stilled, a sinking feeling  washing over him. “How..?” His voice cracked as he asked. 

 

“Do you… do you remember my bike accident story, Kageyama?” Hinata's voice was so quiet that Kageyama had to hold his breath just to hear him. 

 

“Yes, of course..”

 

“Well…” Hinata cleared his throat. He began fidgeting, and was unable to look Kageyama in the face. “It...u-um… it was a l-lie.” 

 

Kageyama stilled. “What do you mean, it was a lie? He was staring at the back of Hinata's head, drilling holes through his skull with a piercing gaze. 

 

“It was a lie,” he stated simply. “I lied to everyone..my family, my friends, my team… even myself. I lied to try and erase…” Hinata trailed off. 

 

“Erase what, Hinata?”

  
“I wanted to erase my memory. My memory of how I know Oikawa.” The small boy took a deep, rattling breath, trying to calm his nerves. He knew he had to tell Kageyama his real story now, or he would never tell anyone. He closed his eyes and leaned deeper into the cushions, steeling himself for a trip into the worst part of his mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to post this chapter with next chapter, but it ended up being like 10 pages, and I thought to save people from a really bad time, I'd separate the two. So, I'm posting chapter 7 now too! Warning- do not read the next chapter if explicit depictions of non-con/rape will trigger you.


	7. The Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real story behind Hinata's mountain biking accident, which has really nothing to do with falling off of his bike down a mountain at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: PLEASE do not read this chapter if you will be triggered by explicit rape/non-con/pain.

Hinata collapsed onto the court, his knees painfully hitting the floor, head in hands. The cheers of the opponent team were ringing in his ear. Chants and screams for Seijou echoed off the bleachers, each one piercing through his heart like hot needles. 

 

Tsukishima grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him off the floor. “Don't you dare kneel to them. We played a damn good match,” he growled, shoving Hinata into their line up. “Now it's time to admit defeat and tell them good game.”

 

He stared up at his teammate’s face, noticing the barely concealed tears behind his glasses. He felt his own face and realized it was wet, too. 

 

After the closing ceremony, the boys of Karasuno high school waited in the lobby of the big gym for their bus. A few members and fans of Aoba Johsai were scattered amongst the crowd. 

 

“Your jumps were pretty impressive, chibi-chan~” a playful voice came from behind, and Hinata whirled around to face a taller, older boy wearing a Seijou volleyball shirt. “I wish we had you when I was here...you would have been a good one to toss to.” He reached his hand out. “I’m Oikawa Tooru, a former setter of the team.”   
  
Hinata shook his hand, blushing lightly. An opponent’s supporter, a former player, was congratulating him on his own plays? He felt flattered, albeit confused. “Hinata Shouyou, middle blocker for Karasuno. Well, was, I guess...this would be my last game.” He smiled, laughing awkwardly. 

 

“You played well, and went out with a bang. I mean, there’s no way your little team could have beaten  _ the _ Aoba Johsai, but you gave it your best, I could tell.” Oikawa had a tendency to give underhanded compliments, and people picked up on that fairly quickly. “Say, chibi-chan, I’m actually going to be in the Karasuno area tonight- I’m meeting some old rivals to toss some balls and catch up. I’d love to see your quicks in action...would you want to come practice with some college elites?”   
  
Hinata’s eyes widened. College elites?! A former Seijou setter, tossing him balls?! What are the odds. Today was quickly turning from the worst day of his life to one of the best. “W-wait, really? You want to play with me?”   
  
Oikawa grinned, playfully twirling his hair. “Well, nobody else in the match seemed interesting to toss to, and since I’m in the area tonight, I thought you might be interested. You just lost, right, so surely you don’t have practice tomorrow.”

 

“You don’t have to ask me twice. Of course I’d love to come practice with you guys!” Hinata was beaming- anybody new to takes tosses from, he would gladly accept. It was a rare chance, and to do so with older, more experienced players was too good to pass up. 

 

“Ya~ay! Here, give me your number, I’ll message you where we’re meeting up…” The two chatted, swapping numbers, until Karasuno was called to board their bus home. 

 

“Hmm,” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow at Hinata as they sat on the bus. “Who was that?”

 

The smaller boy grinned. “Oikawa, an ex-setter for Seijou. He wants to toss to me, isn’t that awesome?!” Tsukishima nodded his head skeptically, half-listening to Hinata’s ravings. 

 

After the team had a chat in the gym, everyone broke off to go home. There was no joyous efforts to continue practice or blow off steam- everyone was tired, beaten up, and ready to put the day behind them. Everyone except for Hinata, anyway. He was always a ball of energy, though, so nobody seemed to think anything of it. The boy grabbed his bike, and began pedaling home. After a few minutes, he turned on the main road and headed towards their city park in the direction of the setting sun. 

 

The park bordered the mountains, and it sprawled for a large amount of space. There were picnic benches, a playground, and a trail winding through the trees. Off of the main trail just down from the playground was a volleyball court with a rope net. Hinata would bike there sometimes when the weather was nice to practice his serves; however, tonight he was meeting some senpai volleyball players. He excitedly pulled up to the court, his heart thumping in his chest. He was so nervous to impress and learn from them. 

 

“I must be the first one here!” Hinata exclaimed to himself, taking his bike to a tree behind the court, setting his volleyball bag between them. 

 

“He~ey, Chibi-chan!” He heard Oikawa’s voice and turned to him, smiling. “Unfortunately, my friends are going to be a little late. Would you like to take a jog on the trail and warm up before they get here?”

 

“Sure! Race ya!” Hinata took off towards the winding trail.

 

“Aww, head starts are no fun, Hi~na~ta~!” Oikawa took after him, quickly catching up. 

 

The two reached the deepest part of the dirt path, where it suddenly turned and wound back around in the direction of the court and playground. There was a bench overlooking a small hill down to the creek that ran along the backside of the park, at the foot of the mountains. Oikawa suddenly yelled in pain, falling to the ground. Hinata turned, seeing him cradling his ankle, and ran over.

 

“Oikawa, are you okay?! What’s wrong?” 

 

Oikawa looked up tearfully. “I think I tripped on a rock, my ankle hurts- can you help me up?” Hinata nodded and stood next to the injured man. He leaned down before pulling him up, putting his arm around his neck. 

 

“Do you think you can walk back like this, leaning on me? I can get help on my bike, or wrap you with my kit in my bag. Are you okay, Oikawa?” He was concerned- ankle injuries were no joke for a volleyball player. 

 

“Oh, I will be, chibi-chan~” As Hinata turned towards the surprisingly happy voice, he felt a sudden slam to the left side of his face, and the world went black. 

 

Groggily, Hinata opened his eyes slowly. He groaned- his head was throbbing- but as he reached to touch it, he couldn’t move his arms. “W-what..?” He tilted his head back, wincing in pain, and saw his wrists tied together on a pole. “What in the world?!” Hinata looked at his surroundings, noticing he was near trees, but looked to be on an old playground set, above the ground. He tried to sit up, but his hands had no leeway. 

 

“I’m glad you finally woke up, Chibi-chan. I was worried I knocked you a little too hard for your tiny body,” Oikawa laughed as he climbed up the ladder to the platform where Hinata laid. 

 

“O-oh, Oikawa, thank goodness...can you untie me? I have no idea what happened, or how I got here, I just-”   
  
“A~ah, see, I can’t do that, because I’m the one that tied you up in the first place.” He continued to smile, watching Hinata’s face as he stopped talking. He was waiting, waiting for the moment when Hinata’s confusion would turn to realization, and then to fear...that was his favorite expression to watch. “Aaaanddd….THERE it is!” Oikawa exclaimed when Hinata’s smile faltered, the boy’s eyes growing wide.

 

“Wait, but, Oikawa, why would you want to tie me to a playground..? Weren’t we going to play volleyball? Your friends will wonder where we are,” He nervously laughed, pulling his wrists a bit, trying to get out of the knots.

 

“Oh, Hinata, you’re so naive….” Oikawa laid next to him. His fingers traced shapes gingerly on the inside of his arm. They moved up his arm slowly before wrapping around his face, cupping his cheek in one of his palms. “I don’t have any friends coming, chibi-chan~ It’s just you and me. That’s been the plan this whole time.” 

 

Oikawa’s voice settled over his skin, his hairs standing up. Hinata dropped his smile. Something was very wrong, and he realized that he needed to get out of this situation. Quickly. 

 

“O-oikawa, look, I’m n-not sure what you w-want, but if you j-just untie me I’m sure I can..” He grimaced at his sudden stutter. He’s never stuttered before.

 

“Sure you can what? Give me what I want willingly? I already know you won't, so we are going to do this my way. Because I want you, Shouyou- can I call you Shouyou?” Oikawa leaned down to rest his forehead against Hinata's. 

 

“W-want...m-e..?” Hinata stared, dumbfounded. What could Oikawa want from him? 

 

“You're still confused? Well, let me make it crystal clear.” Oikawa gripped his captive’s face, pushing his lips against Hinata’s aggressively. The smaller boy wriggled, but when he gasped Oikawa used it as an invitation into his mouth. Shoving his tongue into Hinata's mouth without warning, he explored it fully before entangling with the other tongue, forcing them into a weird dance. 

 

When Oikawa finally released Hinata's lips, he was panting lightly. Hinata looked like he was ready to cry. “ _ What do I do, what do I do, _ ” he kept thinking in his head. How does he get out of this? 

 

“Aww, don't tell me the kiss was bad? You've had better?!” Oikawa pouted, leaning in to leave a soft trail of kisses around Hinata's face and neck. 

 

“F-first…” the small boy whimpered, apparently out loud. “ _ That's right, that was my first kiss… if this continues, it's… it'll be my first everything, _ ” Hinata felt sick to his stomach. He needed to get out of this situation. How?!

 

Oikawa looked surprised. “That was your first, huh? You're so cute and petite, I would have thought you were fucking the whole team, but huh…” he cocked his head side to side as he straddled Hinata's waist. “I don't mind. I've never had sex with a virgin, so we can make this fun..for me, anyway.” His grin turned sinister, and that's when Hinata knew he had to scream. If he could scream as loud as possible, someone would hear it and come. Even if most people didn't come to the park at night, someone would surely hear him. 

 

He hung onto that hope as he inhaled, slow and deep, waiting for Oikawa to be in the middle of a sentence. As he was ready, Hinata screwed his eyes shut and opened his mouth for his largest scream-

 

He stopped, mouth agape, as Oikawa slapped him, hard, across the face. “Tsk,” he looked unhappily in his direction. “That ruins my game, Hinata. Off limits. If you try to scream again, I'll gag you.”

 

The smaller boy gulped, his body starting to tremble. Oikawa reached under his shirt with his hands, running them along his stomach, up to his chest. “Ah, Shouyou, you're so toned..” he pushed the shirt up and over his head to rest around his bound arms. Oikawa’s delicate fingers traced circles around Hinata's nipples, and his captive couldn't help but squirm. As he reached both fingers up to give them a light squeeze, Hinata gasped, trying to wiggle his chest away from the strange hands. 

 

Oikawa squeeze them again, harder, and Hinata moaned lowly. “Oh, chibi-chan likes nipple play, does he?” He repositioned his fingers before flicking the two small buds, eliciting a small cry from the boy. 

 

“O-Oikawa, p-please, stop…” Hinata gasped out between flicks, his nipples becoming tender. Oikawa grinned. 

 

“Oh, you want more?” He continued pulling, pinching, and flicking the right bud while descending his mouth over the left one. He sucked, slowly swirling his tongue around the pointy tip, before lightly biting it between his teeth. 

 

Hinata cried out louder this time. It hurt, and his nipples felt so sore, but he could feel his body reacting to the attention. He squeezed his eyes shut to block out the tears. “Stop, let m-me go,” he murmured. 

 

Oikawa reached his hand down to his captive’s lap and began massaging his penis through his shorts. “See, you say to stop, but you're enjoying it too, Shouyou,” he smiled eerily before forcefully pulling Hinata’s shorts and underwear down with a rough tug. 

 

Hinata's tormenter continued fondling his manhood, sitting on his legs so he couldn't kick. He closed his eyes, willing with all his might for his body to listen to him, but nothing would stop the physical response Oikawa was eliciting. He knew that, but it didn't make him feel any better. 

 

When he opened his eyes, Oikawa’s own erection was in Hinata's face. “Shouyou, I'm giving you something very important. I want you to take care of it with your mouth. If you hurt it, even by accident, I am going to make this so much worse for you. Okay?” He smiled, waiting for the smaller boy's response. 

 

Hinata really wanted nothing more than to bite off the genitals, but he decided he better not. He couldn't imagine how this could be worse, and he really didn't want to find out. 

 

Oikawa prodded his tip at Hinata's mouth, forcing it open, and slowly sliding himself in and out of it. The speed increased, but all Hinata could do was focus on trying to breathe between his gags, screwing his eyes shut in an attempt to block it all out. 

 

With a pop, Oikawa removed himself, a trail of saliva dripping between them. “Smart of you to listen to me, chibi-chan, because now it doesn't have to hurt as much. I'm nice and wet for you.” He forced three fingers into Hinata's mouth. “Suck.” The younger boy obliged the forceful order, sucking on the digits. 

 

“ _ This is weird. Why does he want me to suck his fingers?” _ Hinata couldn’t help his confusion. He knew how sex worked even if he was inexperienced, although he wasn't entirely knowledge on what Oikawa would want with him. 

 

Before Hinata could try and remember his sex-ed class, the fingers were taken from his mouth, his legs moved. Suddenly, a wet finger thrust itself into Hinata’s hole, down to the knuckle, and he screamed. 

 

Hinata remembered now, how guys can be together. It's not like he was against it, he just never thought about it- always told focused on volleyball to think about love. This, though, he knew he didn't want, and he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. “Hng… O-Oikawa, p-please… stop… please..” The small boy begged, his voice cracking as slow tears leaked from his eyes. 

 

Oikawa shook his head as he inserted a second finger, eliciting another small scream from Hinata. He worked his fingers in and out, stretching him like scissors with his hand. “It- it h-hurts, please..” 

 

“I know, it's ok. It's supposed to hurt. I'll make sure to take care of you though, don't worry.” Oikawa removed his fingers and Hinata sighed from relief. He felt a pressure instantly push away from his body-Oikawa finally listened to him. He opened his eyes to see the older boy lifting his legs apart and going between them. When he felt the tip of Oikawa’s hard member on the rim of his hole, the pressure crashed back down onto him like a train. He felt like he was suffocating from the weight of what was about to happen. 

 

“N-no, no, Oikawa, d-don't, please don't, stop, s-stop-” Hinata's words grew frantic and fast. His hips, which had been bucking in an attempt to push away from the older boy, were pinned down by a strong hand. He felt a push, felt his entrance breached, and then his vision went white as he was filled. Hinata felt like he was being split in two. He let out a piercing, shuddering wail as Oikawa sat fully inside him. 

 

Oikawa didn't wait, even as Hinata continued to sob, even as his words turned into pained moans and cries, he still continued to slowly force himself in and out of the younger boy. The pace of his thrusts picked up over time, the sickening slaps of skin on skin making Hinata's ears ring as he tried to ignore the trickle of blood running down from his body. 

 

Slowly, Hinata stopped screaming. He stopped struggling, simply willing Oikawa with his mind to finish and be done with him. He only wanted the pain to stop, so he could collect what was left of his body and soul and soak it in a scalding bath until he was raw. 

 

“Oh, Chibi-chan, let me help you,” Oikawa breathlessly spoke to him, a different word with every thrust, as he reached for his victim’s shaft. He spat on his hand and began rubbing the length of his manhood in time with his thrusts. 

 

Hinata felt his body betray him, his penis now erect and leaking. Tears trailed down his face silently, and he closed his eyes once more. His body tightened, and he knew what was coming next. 

 

Oikawa gleefully cheered as Hinata came, the white liquid squirting between their bodies. The pounding became merciless for one- two- three thrusts before Oikawa buried himself deep inside of the younger boy, groaning in orgasm. 

 

He laid on Hinata's body for a short time, regaining his breath before sitting up and pulling out in one quick swoop. Hinata moaned in pain, his body slowly leaking Oikawa’s sperm and his own blood onto the playground landing. 

 

The older boy picked himself up. “You're a good lay, Shouyou. I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself, too.” He fixed his clothes and climbed down the ladder. Hinata felt his hands around the rope that tied him down. “Once you have enough strength to, you can leave, chibi-chan~ Let's play again sometime, okay?” Oikawa flashed him his sing-song grin before disappearing into the darkness. 

 

Hinata laid like that for a long time. He had no idea how long he stayed naked on the playground, but it was long enough for the fluids to dry and his body to become incredibly stiff. The moments before continued to play over and over in his mind, and he didn't come to reality until the darkest part of the night had passed. 

 

He finally tugged his hands free of the rope, but when he tried to sit up the pain in his rear side made him cry out and pause his efforts. Hinata began to shake as he slowly put his clothes back on and started climbing down the ladder. His legs wouldn't listen to his mind, and he missed a ring towards the bottom, tumbling the last few steps to the ground. Making his way back through the woods, to the trail, and eventually to his bike was the longest walk he ever had. When the playground disappeared from sight, he sighed in relief. 

 

Hinata walked with his bike, using it as a crutch for his limping body, until he got to the road. His house was a long bike ride up a mountain, and on a good day that would take 25 minutes from where he was now. He tried to get up on his bike but struggled, legs feeling too heavy. He finally made it up but his back ached, and he couldn't sit down at all due to the pain; however, he was able to make it about halfway home, a little bit up the mountain road, before his body gave out. He tumbled with the bike, falling over on the side of the road. 

 

Groaning, he weakly lifted his head up, and then dropped it back down. “ _ What's the point, _ ” Hinata thought to himself. His body was abused, taken from him by force, used for some other man’s sick pleasure, and he felt as if he was left hollow. There was nothing left inside Hinata's body- he was just an empty shell of himself, and he couldn't get himself to care what happened to that empty shell anymore. Looking over, he realized he could climb down the road into the trees below, and that seemed as good a place as any to lay and let himself die. That's what he wanted now, to waste away and be done with this life, so he would never have a conscious thought of what just happened again. 

 

Hinata threw his bike over the ledge. It crashed on the way down, a low thud announcing when it hit the ground. He turned on his stomach and crawled to the edge, slowly lowering himself, legs first. With about 10 feet left to climb, Hinata's body began to shake, and he fell to the ground with a cry. He couldn't stop his leaking eyes as he laid in the dirt, the images and sounds of Oikawa burned in his retina, replaying over and over. 

 

He laid like that until he passed out, his coach eventually finding him in the late afternoon. 

\----

Kageyama could only stare at the poor boy as he finished his tearful story. It took him a long time to tell it, stumbling over his words, and sobbing through some of them. 

 

“So… I made up the story about the bike accident. I needed something and that was an easy out. I tried to cover up my real memories with the fake one. I lied to everyone. It hurt so bad, Kageyama…” Hinata looked exhausted. “After spending so much time… trying to get the memories out of my head, all I can see right now is Oikawa over me, all I can hear right now is the slapping-” 

 

The taller boy reached for him in one motion, pulling him to his body and leaning back. Hinata was now cradled next to him, slightly on top of him, and wrapped in his long limbs. 

 

“Hinata… I'm so, so sorry. I can't change what happened to you. But, I can promise you I will never, ever hurt you or touch you if you don't want me to.” Hinata felt tense when he was first pulled down, but his body slowly relaxed in his partner’s comforting hold. “And if I  _ ever _ see that sorry excuse for a man… I will beat him to a fucking  _ pulp _ ,” Kageyama's words were cold and harsh. Hinata knew he meant them. 

  
The two boys laid there for the rest of the night, slow murmurs becoming quiet snores as they took comfort in each other's bodies and slept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I SWEAR IT WILL GET BETTER/ACTUALLY HAPPY AGAIN I have a thing for healing broken things and have planned this all along, but I swear bb Hinata will come outta this. 
> 
> [I would also like to say that I am a straight female who has never experienced anything like this, so the writing comes from reading experiences of other people. Please tell me if something is blatantly wrong! ]


	8. The Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Kageyama question their relationship as a duo; Hinata confesses his secret to Suga, and the team learns of an upcoming training camp

Hinata sleepily eyes his friend, still cradled in said friend’s arm. Somehow, they fell asleep like that. He let his eyes flutter closed once more. He could hear Kageyama’s slow and steady heartbeat, feeling his long body against his own short one. Even though it was clearly midday, and they had slept for hours, Hinata still felt tired, and he used that as the reason for why he didn’t want to get up. 

 

He let his mind wander into the point between awake and asleep. Telling Kageyama everything and reliving that horrible night was the second hardest thing he’s ever done, and it left him wiped out. Hinata came to a realization in his sleepy thoughts about how Kageyama listened to him, how he held him, how he angrily wanted to avenge his pain- he felt no mistrust in the man, even though he had a hard time accepting that. Although sadness still surrounded him in a hazy cloud, he felt completely comfortable with his sleeping friend. He knows, without a doubt, that the person sleeping beside him right now would never take advantage of him like another unmentionable person did. Hinata nuzzled into the toned chest, a sigh of relief escaping between his light snores.

 

A small movement from the boy on his chest woke Kageyama gently. He squeezed his sleeping friend minutely, staring at his face. Leaning his head back, he recalled the story of Hinata’s rape in his read, grimacing. He couldn’t imagine the ball of energy in his arms being taken advantage of like that, and how it made him feel...he couldn't understand how he recovered. “ _ Well, he’s clearly not recovered, _ ” Kageyama reminded himself, picturing his shaking friend when he revealed his setter position on the volleyball team. He realized he wanted nothing more than to help Hinata overcome his experience- he never wanted something like that to stop him from playing a game he clearly loved. Kageyama never wanted Hinata to be affected by that horrible event, and he would do whatever it took to help him get there. Scowling to himself, wondering when he started to care so deeply about his partner, he thought about the word for a moment.  _ Partner _ . It didn’t have to just be in volleyball. He closed his eyes again, drifting off in the midday light thanks to Hinata’s warm body against his.

\------

Monday night at practice, Hinata was a bit of a mess. After reliving the memory with Oikawa, and owning up to it, the small man felt transported back to when he tried to play again in high school. The gym reverberated the same sounds- squeaks of shoes, slams of balls, cheers of teammates- and, although he did his best to try and separate the memories from his current place, Hinata couldn’t stop the thoughts from filtering through. It was affecting his practice, he realized, as he missed another easy ball to spike. “Ugh,” he spat, angry with himself. 

 

Kageyama approached the frustrated spiker and discreetly squeezes one of his hands. “Hey, shit happens. We’re here, though, not there, okay?” the taller man points a finger at his head. “C’mon, you’ve got this next one- don’t mind!” He trots over to the other side of the net in preparation to set the ball.

 

Suga is taking his turn at throwing balls to Kageyama, and notices every miniscule detail of what transpired between the two. He had noticed their newest member struggling today, and, assuming it was just one of those off days, had only patted him on the back with a “Don’t mind, Hinata!” He scowled to himself, eyebrows furrowed in thought. He didn’t usually mistake signs of something worse, and he started worrying about the duo. “ _ I think I’ll talk to Hinata after practice, _ ” the silver-haired boy decided, trotting over to Daichi to relay his thoughts. 

 

After their little talk, Hinata finishes practice stronger than when he started, and as they are cleaning up the gym Suga walks up to him. “Hey, Hinata, how are you feeling now, being part of the team?”   
  
Suga’s warm smile helps to loosen his nerves. “It definitely feels great to be hitting balls again. I can’t wait for a real game- if I get to play, of course- to see Noya’s rolling thunder in action, and our gwa…” The taller of the two listens, smiling and nodding, genuinely happy to see Hinata’s enthusiasm. 

 

“I’m really glad to hear that, Hinata.” He puts a soft hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I noticed you seemed a little...off today, and I wanted to tell you that I’m here if you need anything. I’m sure you’ve heard people joke that I’m the team mom, and, well...I guess they’re not wrong. So, if you need any help or anything, please don’t feel bad talking to me.”   
  
Hinata looked into Suga’s face, directly into his eyes. They were so kind, overflowing with concern and sharp instinct. Although he’d begun to mistrust his own instincts about people, the calmness that radiated from the silver-haired boy never faltered, unchanging but refreshing, in the weeks he had gotten to know him. He knew Suga was a truly, thoroughly,  _ good _ person, and the co-captain to boot. He steeled himself, taking a deep breath, and exhaling slowly. 

 

“I can trust you, can’t I, Suga.” Hinata’s question was more of a statement, and he watched the player’s eyes scan his thoughtfully. He nodded once, sharp and sure, and the orange-haired boy made up his mind to tell a nutshell version of his incident to one other person. “I have something I’d like to share with you, privately. The only other person I’ve ever told this to is Kageyama...this past weekend. But I...I think I can trust you, and I think you can help, because you’re always looking to help people.”

 

The team finished cleaning the gym, Suga asking Daichi to meet him at his apartment later. Kageyama attempts to leave with Hinata, but he explains to his taller friend that he wants to chat with Suga. Although he eyes them warily, the setter says he will wait at the station, and leaves them in the club room.

 

It’s suddenly silent, but Suga makes sure with every fiber of his being that there’s no awkward or anxious feelings around them. Hinata really wished he knew how he did that. 

 

“I don’t know how to start, so I’ll just tell you. I..I was sexually taken advantage of the night after my last volleyball game in high school. The story about the bike accident was a lie I told to cover it up. I stopped playing volleyball because...every time I walked into the gym, all I could see was his face and what he did to me.” He took a shallow, rattling breath, pausing to attempt to clear the tears from his eyes. Hinata thought if he told the story quickly, words coming from his mouth like vomit, he wouldn’t feel anything. He was wrong.

 

Suga had already put a comforting hand on Hinata’s back, and was rubbing it in slow, circular motions. “Take your time, Hinata. There’s no pressure or judgement with me.” The older boy’s soft voice helped calm Hinata down, although his body was trembling.

 

“When we went to karaoke, and I went to the bathroom, that same guy happened to be there- he tried to do something but I ran, and that’s why I didn’t tell anyone anything. I’m sorry, Suga, I’m so sorry,” the younger boy started crying, and Suga wrapped him up in a gentle hug.

 

“There is absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Hinata. I’m so glad you ran.Thank you for sharing that with me,” he murmured softly against the orange head. He was deep in thought, scowling, thinking about what his poor teammate was dealing with.

 

“That’s...not all,” the muffled voice came from his now wet shirt. “We ran into each other again after work, and he almost...again...but Kageyama stopped him and took care of me. I told him everything, and I’ve never told anyone…” Hinata’s slow crying turned into steady sobs as he clutched Suga’s shirt. He didn’t mean to get this emotional, and he felt like he had so much more to say, but his body was too exhausted to continue. 

 

Suga just stayed like that, hugging his small teammate. “It will be okay, Hinata,” he kept murmuring to him. When Suga said things like that, people tended to believe him, and the words did comfort the crying man. After a few minutes, he managed to stop his tears, although his body still trembled. Hinata sat up.

 

“I’m sorry, I ruined your shir-”   
  
“Hinata, never apologize for that. Shirts can be washed or purchased. People cannot be fixed or replaced nearly that easily,” Suga’s soft smile, although clearly saddened, burned into Hinata’s memory along with the words. “I understand why you were having a hard time today, and I’m so sorry for that. I promise, I won’t tell anyone unless you tell me it’s okay...okay?” Hinata nodded slightly. 

 

The older boy slowly lifted his arms up and away from Hinata. “Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?”   
  
Hinata shook his head, his lips and bones feeling like lead.

 

“Can you make it to the station alright? I know Kageyama is waiting for you.” Hinata looked in shock at Suga- he really  _ was _ the team mom, if he figured that out. 

 

“I’m...I’ll be okay,” he managed to mumble, giving Suga a last quick hug before leaving the room. 

 

Suga sighed, sinking into the floor of their clubroom. He had felt like something was wrong, and his intuition was once again correct. He took a few minutes to himself on the floor, thinking of what to tell Daichi when he went over later- that was the one person he could never hide anything from.

\----

The next day at practice, the team is focusing on serves. Noya is practicing his receives, yelling at his friends about his various moves and goading them into serving better. They all start picking up balls as their coach, Takeda, bursts through the doors. 

 

“We got invited to a  _ training camp _ !” He shouted at the team excitedly. Noya and Hinata jumped into the air as everyone hollered in excitement. “The training camp will be next week after final exams, so you better pass…” Takeda’s eyes flicked over the younger boys mercilessly. “I’ll leave the posting here for Daichi to go over with you, okay? I’m late for a meeting- thank you, Captain!” As quickly as he came, their coach left. 

 

“Alright guys, gather ‘round….let’s see…” Daichi’s experienced eyes scanned the paper. “So, we’ll leave on Thursday night and bus to the camp, it’s being held in Kobe this year. We’ll stay until the following Friday, so it’s a full week. The schools attending are….” Daichi started mumbling through the 6 schools who would be coming to the camp.

 

“-and Chuo.”

 

Everyone was smiling, talking about the different University powerhouses they would be training with. Everyone except for Hinata. He had grown incredibly still. Kageyama turns to him, and immediately stops his smile. His friend is pale, staring into space, and he nudges him, whispering, “Hinata?”

 

A flash in his mind of a jacket with the logo for Chuo University, the wearer’s arms violating his body, makes Hinata suddenly nauseous. Without realizing it, his feet are moving, running, forcing his body out of the room and into the hallway. He runs into the bathroom, ignoring the confused calls of his name, and barely makes it into a stall before his stomach wretches up everything he ate today.    
  
Kageyama ran in, breathless, Suga close behind him. “Hinata, what’s wrong?” He kneels down behind the boy, still leaning over the toilet. 

 

Hinata reaches for some toilet paper, wiping his mouth with a shaky hand, holding himself up by the ceramic bowl with his other. “I just remembered….Chuo is his school. Chuo is Oikawa’s school.”   
  
Suga’s eyes grow wide- he didn’t know the identity of Hinata’s attacker, but he knew of Oikawa as a player. He moistened a towel and handed it to his friend on the floor. Hinata vomited again, just bile this time, and wiped his mouth with the towel gingerly. Kageyama helped pull him up, holding him steady by his shoulders.

 

“Hinata, I hate to ask this of you, but...can we maybe fabricate a vague story for the team?” Hinata eyed Suga warily. “I know they are worried about you too, after this, and….we can keep it simple. ‘Something happened with a previous volleyball player, so you have some anxiety sometimes.’ They’ll understand that, and they don’t have to know anything. Would that be okay with you?”

 

The smaller one nodded weakly. “That works,” he murmured, leaning into Kageyama. 

 

Suga and Kageyama shared a look. “I’ll relay the message. For now, get home and get some rest. You can think about the training camp another day, you have some time, okay? Nobody will force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”   
  
Kageyama led his partner out of the bathroom while Suga worked his way back to the gym. The rest of the team was still huddled there, concern and confusion on all their faces. “Hey, guys...listen up for a moment.”

 

The silver-haired boy exhaled deeply before continuing. “Hinata experienced...a past trauma with a volleyball player. He sometimes has anxiety about this still. He’s told me it’s getting better but this training camp might not be good for him. Please, just be conscious of this and don’t pressure him to do anything he doesn’t want to do, okay?”

  
The team nodded in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to write at work on my phone but I MADE IT HAPPEN FOR YOU BBS - will upload another chapter on saturday I think :)


	9. The Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The practice camp begins! Will Hinata's worst nightmare show up, or will things work out better than expected?

Hinata brought his gym bag to school, as always now that he was on the team, but he struggled at the door of the gym’s building with whether or not to actually go in. After his anxiety attack last night, he wasn't sure what to tell the team, or how they were going to react, and that made him nervous and embarrassed. Fleeing the scene of the crime sounded so much better than walking in and facing it. 

 

The gentle beep of a message prompted Hinata to pull out his phone, delaying his decision further. Of course, the message was from Kageyama. “ _ You better come to practice, dumbass, or I'm going to make you run sprints to make up for it. _ ” He tried to turn his grin into a scowl at the message- his friend was quite the mind reader. 

 

With a deep breath, Hinata enters the gym, and a ball immediately slams into his face. 

 

“Holy crap- Hinata, are you okay?!” Tanaka runs over to his floored teammate, extending a hand to help him up. 

 

Hinata laughed, covering his mouth with a hand. “I'm okay, Tanaka, don't worry.”

 

The short haired boy’s apologetic look turned into a smirk. “I should have known you were fine, your face is used to catching balls.”

 

Noya fell onto the floor in laughter while Daichi turned to hide his face. Hinata was pouting, shouting at Tanaka that he's only caught “about 5!” after counting. 

 

“Only 5..balls, Hinata? Don't they...pft..don't they usually come in...heh...pairs?!” Noya could barely get the words out between laughter. 

 

The orange haired boy stared in confusion for ten seconds before he realized what Noya meant, and he instantly turned red, sputtering “That's- that's not what I meant and you know it, Noya!!”

 

The shortest teammates began chasing each other around the gym, and Kageyama watched. Tsukishima leaned over, smirking while speaking. “A little red, Kageyama? I bet you'd like your balls in his face.” He walked over to continue practicing before the setter could stutter a response. 

 

“Alright guys, get to work!” Daichi couldn't hide the smile from his voice as the team began their nightly practice. 

\--

Everyone was on the ground of the gym, stretching. Hinata had to admit to himself that their team was a great group of people- throughout practice, everything felt  _ normal _ , and nobody asked him about last night's episode. They didn't treat him differently at all. He realized that if he was going to try and heal, or at least become less anxious about his attack, that this was the group he needed to help him do that. 

 

With clarity, Hinata stood up and cleared his throat. The team looked over at him, and he quickly began to talk. “I know I didn't seem excited for the training camp yesterday, but… I want you all to know I'm going to go. So thanks for your support!” He quickly sat back down and resumed his stretches. 

 

“Hell yeah!” Tanaka and Noya fist bumped, cheering. 

 

Daichi walked over to Hinata's spot. “I'm so glad you decided to join us- I'll message you the itinerary later!” Suga nodded in enthusiastic agreement. 

 

“It wouldn't be the same without you!”

 

Hinata grinned widely at his silver haired friend. Things were slowly, delicately, working out for him. 

\-------

The entire volleyball team of Waseda University boarded a bus in the middle of the night to arrive at their training camp in Kobe. Most of them were passed out- Hinata’s head was on Kageyama’s shoulder, Suga and Daichi’s bodies were supporting each other in the front seat, and Noya was completely lying down, curled up with his head in Asahi’s lap. Tsukishima seemed to be the only one awake, tapping quietly on a dimly lit smartphone. 

 

When the bus pulled up, Captain and Co-Captain went through the seats, waking the rest of their teammates up- some more roughly than others. They sleepily left the bus and shuffled into the dorms to unpack, change, and start practice.

 

The first few hours were spent meeting the teams and warming up, but before everyone knew it, practice games had begun. Hinata was doing his best to focus on their current match, although he scanned the Chuo team whenever he got a chance. He didn’t see Oikawa at all.   
  
On his next swap out with Noya, he checked again. Still no Oikawa. Could he be so lucky?    
  
By the time their first practice match ended, and after they had done their loser’s reward of diving drills, Hinata was breathlessly, carefully, scanning the Chuo team. He was 100% sure that Oikawa was nowhere to be seen, and the realization made him feel very light. He was grinning like a child when he turned around to the rest of his teammates, some laying on the ground, still catching their breath.

 

“What are you so giddy about, dumbass? Those were a  _ penalty _ , don’t make them think you enjoyed it!” Kageyama scowled at him. His partner laughed. 

 

“That’s alright, we’ll get the next one!”   
  
“AWW YEAH!” Noya, Tanaka, and Hinata all screamed in unison, amping themselves up and ignoring the other teams giving them strange looks. 

\---

“After a long day of losing practice matches, nothing hits the spot like warm curry,” Hinata grinned, nodding in agreement with his captain. 

 

They were eating and laughing, filling their stomachs and recuperating from all their penalties, when a cheery voice bubbled over the cafeteria from the far end of the large room. Multiple heads turn to see who had showed up, but Hinata doesn’t have to look. He knows that voice like the back of his hand.

 

“Sorry for coming late and missing some games, everyone~” His happy-go-lucky voice hits Hinata’s gut like a suckerpunch, and he stands up quickly, chair scraping the floor. 

 

“I’m going to go shower,” he says quietly, receiving a nod from Daichi as he leaves.

 

He lets out a sigh of relief as the water hits his small frame. It was scalding, but he liked it that way. He felt pretty happy with himself for maintaining his typically cheerful exterior throughout the matches, and he thought about his spikes from the day as he stood under the water for a long time. 

 

Hinata was just toweling his hair dry, standing in his boxers and a shirt, when he heard someone enter the changing area.  _ The cafeteria probably closed, so people are going to start coming in _ , he thought to himself, trying to hurry to get out of the way. 

 

Suddenly, he felt himself being slammed face-first into the wall of lockers, a cry of surprise and pain escaping him. Instinctively he turned to see who it was, but as soon as he felt the strength of the hands, he knew who had found him. 

 

“I thought I saw you sneak out, Chibi-chan!” Oikawa exclaimed in  excitement, running his hands over Hinata’s body. “Trying to avoid me, huh?”

 

He remained silent and closed his eyes. He quickly tensed every muscle in his body and forced it backwards into Oikawa, who stumbled in surprise, and the two went tumbling into each other on the floor. The older boy quickly rolled over on top of Hinata before he could get up. 

 

No longer smiling, a terrifying scowl spread across his face. “That wasn’t very nice.”

 

“Get  _ off _ of me.” His words came out quietly, but his face was fierce. There was more fight in it today. 

 

“Aw, but you’re so comfortable and easy,” Oikawa spat at him, roughly fondling him through his boxers. Hinata struggled against him, groaning in effort and fear. 

 

“Hinata?” A familiar voice yelled from the hallway, close, and before Oikawa could stop him the smaller boy yelled back- “Showers!”   
  
Kageyama ran in as Hinata was struggling to get up, immediately grabbing Oikawa by his shirt and shoving him up and against the lockers. “What the fuck are you doing?”

 

The older boy’s typical charismatic smile was back on his face.”Long time no see, Tobio! I’m glad you’ve made some friends since the last time we played with each other. You were always such a loner, our poor king of the court...”    
  
Kageyama raised a fist, but Hinata quickly grabbed it, forcing it down. Oikawa looked between the two of them and sighed. “Chibi-chan over here tripped and fell into me,” he pouted, shoving Kageyama off of him and straightening up. “Now, I’m going to go shower. See you later, shorty,” he waved and disappeared into a shower stall. 

 

Hinata exhaled loudly, leaning against the back of his taller friend for a moment before going back to his clothes. “Did you come to shower?”

 

He shook his head. “We all went back to the room, and you still weren’t there, so I came looking for you. You’d been gone too long…” He scowled at Hinata. “From now on you’re not going anywhere alone.”   
  
Baffled, Hinata began to argue. “W-what? No, I’m fine, I don’t need a babysitter-”

 

“It wasn’t a question,” Kageyama cut him off sharply. “I’m not letting him anywhere near my partner, and that’s that.” He ruffled Hinata’s hair, and they walked out together towards their room. Hinata couldn’t deny that although he told Kageyama having him around all the time was going to be obnoxious, there was a secret, fluttering happiness in his stomach.

\------

Waseda was finally playing a practice match against Chuo, with Oikawa playing setter. Hinata started, and although Kageyama was fretting over him, things were okay for the first set. It was in the second set that he started to notice when the two were at the net at the same time, Oikawa would whisper things to Hinata. The younger boy’s face would screw up, like he was trying to block it out, but over time Hinata’s plays became more desperate. 

 

Hinata could feel the effects of Oikawa’s comments slowly, like someone was scraping him in the same place every time, so at first he could ignore it but now every scrape brought more blood to the surface. The most recent comment, something about how he couldn’t wait to be inside him again, left the orange-haired boy so shaken that he missed his serve. The ball hit the net, and as it bounced to the ground, he heard the whistle and knew he was being switched out. 

 

“Hinata- you were playing pretty solidly earlier, but it seems like some stress is getting to you. Take some time out, watch the game from here, and when you’re calm we’ll put you back in.” He nodded at his coaches, and when he went to stand back with the team, Tsukishima grabbed his arm.

 

“Bathroom, now,” he muttered, pulling his friend along into the hallway. They silently make it to the empty restroom, and Hinata can tell his tall teammate is angry.

 

Tsukishima turns Hinata around. “How  _ dare _ you hide all these things from me, after all this time? I’m pissed off at you. I can tell it’s Chuo, something to do with Chuo hurt you, but I only know because of Suga- I always notice, and I didn’t this time, when it actually matters…” Hinata notices the tears welling behind his eyes. 

 

He knew Tsukki well enough to know that the anger was directed more at himself for not noticing Hinata’s pain. He always put the most pressure on himself, in matches and in life. Hinata studied his friend carefully before interrupting his angry speech.

 

“I probably should have confided in you, Tsukki, but you always somehow know what’s going on, so I think I hoped you would this time too, because I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted you to know. I lied instead. So, I’m sorry…..but none of that matters right now.” Seeing the taller boy emotional was rare, and something about it rejuvenated Hinata. “Because right now the only thing that matters is getting back to the game and winning.”   
  
Tsukishima stared at him for a minute, before a small smirk overcame his face. “Alright, then let’s go back and I’ll show you how it’s done.” The two fist bumped before running back to their teammates.

\----

Cups hit each other around the room as the Waseda boys cheered, loud conversations spreading throughout the room. It was their first victory against Chuo in years, even if it was a practice camp match, and they were celebrating accordingly. Tanaka and Noya had brought beer and sake, and everyone was drinking, even Hinata. 

 

As it gets later into the night, and some of the teammates get more drunk than others, Hinata announces his trip to the bathroom and bounces out of the room. Smiling to himself, he whistles quietly while walking down the halls to the toilet. 

 

Sighing in relief, he realizes how much he missed having a volleyball family. He should have let Tsukki drag him here last year, although then maybe he wouldn’t have gotten close to Kageyama….He shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and reaching to pull up his pants. He walks back through the school hallways, passing another team’s open doorway. He turns a corner and is suddenly pushed through an empty classroom doorway.

 

He falls to the floor and scrambles to get up, but Oikawa is on top of him. He can smell whiskey on his breath, and there’s no fake kindness in his face this time. The older boy shoves a washcloth into his mouth, roughly grabbing him. 

 

_ Not again, not again, _ Hinata thinks to himself, kicking and struggling against Oikawa. He wasn’t going down without a fight this time. He didn’t want to be a victim again. Maybe the fear hadn’t hit him yet, or maybe he was past that point and just  _ angry _ about all the time he missed being happy- Hinata wasn’t sure what gave him the strength to fight, but he fought. 

 

Oikawa had managed to press his forearm against the smaller boy’s chest, and while he was sitting on him worked a hand into his pants. Hinata felt the pressure of a finger prodding his entrance, and then the white hot pain of it enter, unprepared and not lubricated. He screamed against the towel in his mouth, from anguish and anger, and continued to try and struggle with his upper body. 

 

When he felt a second finger poking, he knew he had to do something. He was putting up a good fight and making it as difficult as possible, but he was still so much smaller and younger than Oikawa that he knew he was losing. With his tongue, Hinata slowly worked the towel up and spat it out of his mouth as Oikawa forced the second finger into him. He screamed, as loudly as he could, and Oikawa removed his fingers in surprise. Hinata took that moment to roll out from under him. He was pulling himself up by a desk as Suga and Kageyama entered. 

 

They were both breathless, but Kageyama instantly surveyed the scene, walking towards Oikawa. Suddenly the room was flooded with people- nearby teams must have heard the noise and come to see what was going on.

 

Oikawa takes the chance to turn the tables on the small boy. “I told you to be quiet, Chibi-chan, or people would come and ruin our fun!” He was pouting, his usual charismatic aura back around him. He walked closer to Hinata, continuing his lies. “We were just doing what you wanted, you told me…” His voice dropped into a whisper, but it was still loud enough for the groups closest to them to hear. “You told me you liked the pain. You wanted to feel like you were being taken by force, so….I was only trying to do that..” The older boy almost looked tearful. 

 

Hinata wanted none of it. He didn’t care what people thought, but he wanted to get out of this room and never see Oikawa ever again. He was mad, although some of that had started turning back into fear, and he felt his heart racing as his lower body ached. 

 

“The least you can do is not lie about how you force people to have sex with you,” Hinata shakily spat at him before pushing his way out of the room and running down the hall. The run quickly turned into a limp, as the pain shooting from his backside reminded him of his recent circumstance.

 

Kageyama and Suga followed him, catching up within a few moments. They all heard coaches in the room now, telling everyone to get to bed and threatening penalties in the morning. Kageyama grabs Hinata’s shoulders, pushing him against his body in support. 

 

“I told you, I was going everywhere with you,” His voice, although it sounded angry, wasn’t directed at Hinata. “I can’t believe I let some booze distract me.”

 

Suga shot the taller boy a look, shaking his head, mentally telling him to stop. “We realized you’d left and came to find you. Hinata, are you alright?” Their eyes locked, and although Hinata was trembling, he nodded in confirmation. The silver haired boy sighed in relief. After witnessing what he did, and hearing what Hinata had said, he had a pretty good idea of what really happened to his poor underclassman- and by whom. “We should really...report this, Hinata. I know it’s hard but if he keeps going after you like this, we need to take action to protect you.”

 

Hinata leans further into his taller friend. “I don’t want to, Suga. I just want to sleep right now.” Suga sighs.

 

With a tiny frown, he sighs. “Alright. I won’t argue with you. I’m going to head back, you two come back soon to sleep, it’s late.” He walks off, his face full of worry.

 

The one constant in Hinata’s life over the past few months has been Kageyama. He realizes this as Kageyama leads them to the roof, his body still supported by the taller boy’s. 

 

Kageyama sits down against the wall and motions for Hinata to sit with him, and without overthinking his decision, he pushes himself between Kageyama’s legs and lets himself be engulfed by the long limbs. He lets his head relax against the strong shoulder, and his eyes close as his heart beat starts to calm.

 

Kageyama takes one of his hands and ruffles his partner’s hair gently. After some time, when he can feel Hinata is calm, he asks a question. “Hey, shorty, are you awake?”

 

The orange head moves to stare at him, scowling. “I couldn’t fall asleep here, you’re not comfortable enough!” 

 

He tries not to let the statement deter him. “I just had a question, idiot, but nevermind then, I guess we’ll just get up and go back-” Hinata makes a small noise, almost like a whine, and Kageyama smirks. “So I  _ can  _ ask you a question?”    
  
The smaller boy nods, sitting up so the pair are face to face, Kageyama’s arms still around him. He takes a deep breath before asking, in a low mumble, “What do you think of me?” His eyes are averted to the side, and there’s a small but noticeable blush on his cheeks. 

 

Hinata tosses his head side to side. “Hmmm….” As Kageyama’s blush grows deeper, and he begins to fidget, Hinata laughs and puts his hands on the taller boy’s shoulders, sitting up slightly. “You’re never insecure, it’s so weird….but don’t be dumb. I trusted you with my biggest secret, and I know you’re always looking to make sure I’m okay. I…” His face screws up while he thinks, trying to find the right words. “Ever since you came into the cafe, I was interested in you, and my life got so much brighter with you in it. You’re like...my partner, idiot.”  _ There I go with the word vomit again _ , Hinata thinks to himself, feeling the need to slam a palm against his head. 

 

Kageyama pulls Hinata down into an actual hug before holding their faces together. His heart is pounding, and Hinata’s eyes are wide, the sudden contact bringing a blush to his face as well. “Hinata, I think...I think I like you.”   
  
The smaller boy laughs, albeit awkwardly. “Yeah, Kageyama, I like you too, okay?” 

 

“No, dumbass, I  _ like _ you,” His words are playful but honest, and Hinata stills in surprise. “Ugh, this is so embarrassing, but…Can I- can I kiss you?”

 

“O-oh..” Hinata’s mouth drops in surprise, and his heart goes crazy.  _ What is THIS feeling? _ He thinks. It’s not fear, it’s not anxiety, it’s not nervousness really. He can’t pinpoint it, but Kageyama looks so desperate and honest that he decides the only way to find out is to let it happen.

 

“...I’m sorry, here, let’s forget it and go-”   
  
“S-sure.”   
  
Kageyama, who had dropped his hands and was about to push himself off the ground, paused and whirled his eyes back to Hinata’s. “What?” His voice cracks.

 

“You can kiss me, idiot,” he mumbles, awkwardly grabbing Kageyama’s hands and putting them on his neck. “I’m okay.”

 

They stare at each other for awhile, Kageyama’s sharp eyes boring into Hinata’s, assessing his statement and the honesty behind it. He brings a hand up to brush a stray chunk of hair from the smaller boy’s face, and slowly brings their faces together. Their kiss is delicate, just lips on lips, with Kageyama’s long arms holding them together. After the fleeting moment is over, they pull apart and continue to stare at each other in silence. 

 

“Different this time,” Hinata mumbles.

 

“What?”

 

The smaller boy shakes his head. “Sorry, I was just thinking...how you made me feel different.” Kageyama’s kiss didn’t feel anything like Oikawa’s did. Tonight’s felt soft, sweet, and if he was completely honest with himself, too short. He picked himself off the ground, lending a hand down to help Kageyama up as well. Hinata led the way back to their team’s room. 

 

“Y’know, I was lying earlier- you’re too comfortable, I almost fell asleep on the roof.” Hinata whispered to him before they entered the dark room, finding their mats in the darkness. They laid down, and Kageyama felt Hinata tentatively put a hand out. The taller boy smiled in the darkness and grabbed his partner’s hand reassuringly. They stayed clasped as they drifted off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeee I hope you like that I ended this chapter on a happier note. It's a long one, sorry but not sorry? I'm trying to fig into their potential relationship more, but it has to be slow to be realistic given our poor smol son, right, so.... I hope this bit of fluff tides you over. <3 Thanks for reaching, and please let me know what you think!
> 
> I have a work trip next week but hopefully I'll update on Monday night, since I can write on the plane o3o


	10. The Permission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camp is over, and Hinata finally has a spare moment to think about everything that happened over the past week.

Surprisingly, the rest of the camp went off without a hitch. Oikawa seemed to avoid Hinata and company after the rather public event, perhaps to convince everyone of his pure nature. Even during the short match, where Waseda lost two close sets, Oikawa and Hinata were on opposite rotations and didn’t face each other at the front of the net once. 

 

Before they knew it, the camp was over and the worn-out boys were on the bus headed back to Tokyo. This time around, the entire team was passed out from exhaustion, and when they arrived back to Waseda the coaches had to wake even the captain from sleep. 

 

Hinata yawned as everyone left their short recap meeting- practice was canceled until next week, thank goodness, and he had to get home to take a nap before his shift at the cafe. It was a Friday, after all. “Hey, Kageyama, are you coming to the coffee shop tonight?”

 

The taller boy shakes his head. “Sorry to skip out, but I’m so tired, and I have to do a few things around the apartment.” He doesn’t miss the sadness in Hinata’s smile.

 

“No worries...I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to, either!” The two boys ride the train back to their neighborhood together, idle chatter about their volleyball games flowing freely between them

\--------

The orange haired barista sleepily wipes off the last dirty table in the cafe. No customers remained, so right at midnight he was able to lock up the coffee shop and head home. Hinata had changed his clothes in an effort to run home, but thinking about running along that trail alone gave him a sense of fear he couldn’t ignore, so he rushed to catch the last train. 

 

Hinata throws himself into bed, body exhausted but mind racing, and tosses and turns for what feels like hours. Every time he gets close to drifting off, Oikawa’s face shatters his haze, and a moment from the camp pops into his mind. Sometimes it seems so real, it’s almost like he can actually feel Oikawa’s hands on his body. He shivers, suddenly cold, and glances at his phone. 

 

“1:30 AM…” He groans, turning over again.  _ Why am I just NOW not able to get these images out of my head? _ The small boy rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to force his tormentor out of his mind.  _ Well, I guess it’s about the same time frame as before _ , he admits to himself, remembering how the first few days after the original abuse felt like a dream, and only a few days later did it actually start to feel real. With a frustrated grunt, Hinata gets out of bed, throwing on his running clothes. Even though his body was exhausted, his mind wasn’t, and he didn’t know what else to do but try to run away from it.

 

Hinata runs. He runs, and runs, and runs, until his legs wobble and threaten to collapse. As he runs, his thoughts start to change, and slowly Kageyama’s face starts replacing Oikawa’s. Thinking about the kiss with Kageyama and how it felt- dare he think, good?- gets him even more worked up, and Hinata picks up his pace to a sprint. 

 

Spying a bus stop bench, he falls onto it and leans back, closing his eyes as he struggles to calm his breathing. Kageyama’s kiss won’t stop replaying in his head, and he groans to himself as he lightly smacks his head repeatedly. 

 

“Hina...ta…?” Said boy opens his eyes, looking up to the balcony above him, and meets eyes with Kageyama. After the initial shock wears off, the raven haired boy’s face turns into his usual scowl. “What the hell are you doing outside so late, idiot? And running, no less?!” He sighs when Hinata doesn’t answer him, the half hearted shrug being all he needs to lighten his demeanor. “Wait right there,” he demands before disappearing.

 

A few minutes later, Kageyama joins Hinata on the bench, passing him a water bottle. “Drink up,” he murmurs, eyeing the smaller boy’s chest as it flutters up and down in quick succession. “No more running, your body has had enough.” The statement is simple, not a question, and Hinata is too tired to argue. He knows his partner is right.

 

He chugs half of the bottle, and they sit in silence as Hinata’s breath slows to normal. He is still lost in the thoughts of his run, and before his consciousness can stop himself, he blurts out a request. “Hey, can we talk about that kiss?”

 

A small flush appears on Kageyama’s face, and he avoids Hinata’s gaze. “What do you want to talk about it for?”

 

Hinata takes another sip of water, swishing the words around in his head before he speaks. “Well, actually, I guess I don’t want to talk about it so much as try it again…..mm, yeah, that’s it,” he confirms to himself, trailing off in his thoughts.

 

“You want to kiss...again?” The taller boy turns to his partner, eyes wider than usual in surprise, although they are laced with suspicion. 

 

“Mmm...yeah, I do. It felt differently than I thought it would, and I can’t get the feeling out of my head. I don’t know if I imagined it or that’s how it really is, so I want to try again. If you’re okay with that, of course.” It’s Hinata’s turn to blush, although he doesn’t turn his gaze away from Kageyama.

 

Kageyama scoots closer to the smaller boy, and puts an arm around his head. “You don’t have to ask me twice,” he whispers before pulling Hinata up and guiding his face onto his own. It’s another soft kiss, although longer, their lips making multiple soft, small kisses before finally parting. They’re both openly red-faced now, and Kageyama feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. 

 

Hinata stares at Kageyama, taking him in while thinking. He slowly begins to speak a few moments later, almost breathlessly. “Yeah, it’s different….somehow. I mean, it’s like….it’s soft and kind and…..sweet? I don’t know how to say it…..I expected it to be more….hard?” He shrugs. Even the word vomit can’t help him now, as he struggles to find the way to describe his thoughts. 

 

“Who have you kissed before, Hinata?” Kageyama’s question pulls the smaller boy out of his reverie.

 

“You...and, u-um, Oi-Oikawa…” He trails off at the end, a pained expression erupting on his face. 

 

Kageyama shakes his head. “Oikawa doesn’t count. You didn’t kiss him, he kissed you, it’s different. Have you ever had a girlfriend..or boyfriend?” His voice cracks a bit when he asks about a boyfriend.

 

The smaller boy bobbed his head side to side. “I never had time to care about that, I was too concerned with volleyball, and I don’t think anyone was interested in me anyway,” his quiet, bitter laugh hit Kageyama’s heart like a hot knife. 

 

“Have you ever had sex?”

 

Hinata’s face turned as red as a tomato. “Just the once-” He’s cut off quickly, Kageyama telling him that Oikawa doesn’t count. “Okay, then no.”

 

The taller boy eyes him in surprise. “So, you never had sex, with a girl  _ or  _ guy, then?” Hinata shakes his head slightly, eyes cast down. “Then, do you like..masturbate or anything?”

 

_ When did this turn into my sexual history 101 _ , Hinata groans internally, shame creeping onto his face. “Doesn’t everyone do that?! How else do you get rid of problem boners, Kageyama, god!”

 

Kageyama laughs lightly. “Problem boners, huh?” He’s smirking now, feeling more and more curious. “Do you know how sex even works?”   
  
“Oh my god, YES I know how sex works, I’ve taken sex ed, moron! I know how it works with girls,  _ and _ with guys,jeez....” Hinata’s voice trails off, feeling his partner’s eyes boring into his skull. He doesn’t know why he felt the need to clarify that he knew how sex worked for guys too. He looks up to see that Kageyama’s scowl has softened, his eyes lighter and jovial.

 

“So, in saying all that...you’re kinda a virgin, you know,” Kageyama murmurs. “You’re like, a virgin to love. Sure you had that experience taken from you, but I think you can have a true first love, first time, and still feel that way, based on what you said.” Hinata’s a little stunned by the observation, but after contemplating what was said, he nods shyly in hopeful agreement. 

 

“What are you doing out here so late, anyway?”

 

Hinata sighs. The questions are starting to get a bit draining. “I couldn’t sleep, I can’t stop thinking about...about Oikawa, and what happened at camp. I guess it finally hit me that it was something real that happened. I was home alone and felt scared so I tried to run away from it, I guess.” He feels vulnerable, suddenly, and he shivers, wrapping his arms around himself.

 

“Would you like to sleep at my place?” Kageyama’s blunt question brought Hinata’s gaze back to his face. “You’re here, and you’re clearly exhausted, and you won’t be alone, so..”

 

“Yeah….I think I’d like that.” Hinata lets Kageyama lead his tired body up to the apartment, and after a quick wash to his face, he walks into the raven haired boy’s room.

 

“You take the bed, I’ve got the futon,” Kageyama motions to his bed as he goes to lay on the mat on the ground.

 

“No way, moron, I’m already intruding- get on your bed!” Hinata pouts, lunging onto the futon. 

 

Kageyama scowls. “Get up, dumbass, and get on the bed.” He pushes himself on the futon next to Hinata, and tries to push the smaller boy off.

 

“No...I….refuse!” The two boys struggle, both on their sides with their hands locked, trying to push each other off the futon. After a minute of fighting, they let their hands drop, slightly panting. “I’ll fall asleep like this, I’m  _ not _ taking your bed.” Hinata’s stern voice felt like a challenge.

 

“Well, I guess you’re wasting the mattress then, idiot, because I’M sleeping on the futon.” They both turn, backs touching, as they fume and wait for the other boy to give up. Neither does, though, and they finally fall asleep like that.

\--

Hinata moans. He wakes up suddenly from his dream, disoriented, until he remembers where he is. He holds his breath, feeling Kageyama move behind him, waiting to see if he woke his partner up. After hearing a small snore, Hinata exhales in relief. 

 

_ What woke me- oh GOD _ , Hinata internally screams at himself as he realizes between his legs he is hard as a rock. The dream that woke him was one where he and Kageyama were kissing, although a much more advanced version of kissing that made Hinata’s face light up like a Christmas tree. He did not want to start thinking about the connection between the dream and his pants right now, and noticing the light sneaking through the curtains, Hinata gets up quietly and exits the apartment to go home. He scribbles a small note on the way out of the door, closing it with a soft click. 

 

Kageyama woke later, his small partner nowhere to be found. He notices the note on his door, smiling to himself as he reads “Coffee later, on me!”

\----

Another night at the cafe with Hinata, and another fabulous new drink. Kageyama sadly sipped the last bit of his honey matcha latte before handing the cup to Hinata to wash. They met back up at the door, and as usual Hinata locked it before they started their jog home.

 

Their pace was a bit slower than normal, more casual, and they talked intermittently between light breaths. At about the halfway point, Hinata looks over at his taller companion. “Hey, Kageyama…”

 

“Hm?” He’s keeping pace with the shorter boy, enjoying their leisurely stride, and glances at him for a brief moment before look back to the road.

 

“I’ve been thinking….about this, and…..” Hinata steels himself for what he wants to say. He’d been mulling it over in his head since last night, and since the dream that woke him up this morning. It was going to be weird, but if Kageyama said he  _ liked _ him, surely it would be met with compliance? “I think...I mean, you can….you can kiss me w-whenever you want!” Beyond the flush of embarrassment, Hinata was a little mad at himself for stuttering.

 

They reached the point where they had to say goodbye, and Kageyama tugs Hinata’s shirt, forcing them both to stop. Hinata’s heart was racing, he was flushed from his words and not the run, and Kageyama had to stop himself from licking his lips. “Is that so?”

 

The smaller boy nodded hesitantly. “I know you’ll stop if I say stop, but...I don’t…” Before he could finish his train of thought, Kageyama swept him into his arms and planted their lips together. Hinata gasped in surprise, and Kageyama used that to push his tongue into Hinata’s mouth. Their lips moved against each other instinctively, Kageyama’s tongue probing Hinata’s while he whined against the taller boy’s movements. Just when they both felt like they were going to explode, they pulled apart, more breathless than from the run. 

 

Hinata felt a warmth in his lower abdomen, and realized that his body wanted more.  _ He _ wanted more. And that scared him, because he didn’t think he was ready for more. Kageyama brushed a hair from his face quickly, pecked his forehead, and turned to go home with a gentle, “Good night, Hinata.” The orange haired boy shook his head, trying to calm his heart as he walked home, relishing in the glow of the kiss while ignoring the bubble of fear he felt in his muscles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it getting better yet? :') 
> 
> I feel like I have so many ideas for these two, in this story and in others, that I don't know where to begin ahhh. Do I slow this story down to start others, or finish one and start others later? UGH


	11. The Dinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is fed up with his setter's lack of cooking skills, so decides to cook dinner for him a few times. Nothing can go wrong with 2 boys alone in their apartment...right?

Life begins to settle back to normal for Hinata. Not the new normal, but the old normal, and with every volleyball practice he attends, a little bit of his old brightness returns. 

 

Hinata hasn't seen Oikawa since the training camp, and managed to push the man out of his mind almost entirely. On the other hand, the more time he spent with Kageyama made him feel a different kind of giddy he couldn't explain- even when he called him a dumbass. 

 

On another normal day a couple weeks after the camp, Kageyama and Hinata are returning home from practice. They hop off the train and through the gates, when Kageyama grabs Hinata's jacket. “Hey, gimme a minute to grab dinner.” He disappears into the Family Mart, familiar jungle ringing in Hinata's ears. 

 

When the older boy emerges, Hinata looks exasperated. “You know, Kageyama, if you didn't play volleyball you'd probably be so fat because you never cook for yourself.”

 

Kageyama scowls. “I would not. But why bother cooking when I can get everything I want from the conbini? Nothing I could make would taste better.” He shrugged, perfectly content with nightly meals wrapped in plastic. 

 

“No, no, no good. You need actual  _ food _ in order to be at peak performance. Plus it's easy to make stuff taste even better than that,” Hinata rolled his eyes, pointing at the rice bowl dish in his partner’s hand. 

 

Kageyama gave an irritated clock of his teeth. “If you're so good at this cooking shit why don't you do it, then,” he growled, annoyed at the critique of his life choices. 

 

“Okay!” Hinata's excited voice made the dark haired boy turn to him. “I can come over tomorrow after practice and make you an even better egg and rice bowl with just a quick stop at the store.”

 

“Oh.” Kageyama didn't think his shorter teammate would take his joke seriously, but he felt a flutter of excitement. “Um. Okay, sure.” He narrowed his eyes. “But, if what you make isn't as good as Family Mart, there will be punishment.”

 

Hinata laughed his bubbly, genuinely happy laugh. “You can pick whatever punishment you want to do to me, I don't care- it won't happen.” He waved back as they parted ways. “See ya tomorrow!”

 

On his last few blocks home, Kageyama couldn't help his mind from wandering in a rather perverse direction.  _ Anything, huh, Hinata? _ His shorter teammate might regret saying that. 

\-----

 

After practice the next day, the duo heads home as usual. When they get out of the train station, though, Hinata steers them down a side road that Kageyama had never been to. 

 

“There's a really good local grocery store right down here that always has specials,” Hinata explained. When they reached the store, signs were showing that there was a bread sale, with rows and rows of various breads lined outside the doors. “See? Thursday is always bread day!” he smiled, leading them inside and grabbing a small basket in his hands. 

 

Kageyama instinctively grabbed the basket, following Hinata around like a puppy. He was in awe, watching his smaller partner. He traversed the store with expertise, weaving around the produce, sniffing and pressing on different items to determine their ripeness. After grabbing a few more things, he turned to Kageyama. “You have rice and a rice cooker, right….”

 

The taller boy frowned. “Of course I do, dumbass.” Hinata rolled his eyes at him as they walked to the register.What Kageyama wasn't going to admit to him was that his first 6 months spent in university were sans rice cooker, and he only had one now because his mother adamantly bought him one. 

 

They checked out, Kageyama paying despite Hinata's small protests. “You're cooking for  _ me _ , you're not paying for  _ my _ food.” They shared the burden of carrying the groceries until they reached Kageyama's apartment. 

 

Hinata held his breath as he walked in his partner’s apartment. It was newer and nicer than his, and overly, excessively neat. He gawked at the small living area. He expected the kitchen to be clean, since Kageyama clearly never used it, but everything else from the couch blanket to the corner of the cabinet was spotless and dust free. “You're super clean, Kags,” he whistled in appreciation. 

 

Kageyama scowled-  _ typical _ , Hinata thought,  _ he can't take compliments at all _ \- replying, “I don't like mess. And don't call me  _ Kags _ .” He sounded both embarrassed and angry, and Hinata barely withheld a giggle. 

 

The smaller boy got working in the kitchen immediately, setting the groceries down and starting the rice cooker. As he cooked, whisking eggs and sauces, he started questioning Kageyama. “What do you usually do while you eat?”

 

“I usually read new Shonen Jump chapters, or watch pro volleyball,” he muttered, a small flush over his cheeks. 

 

Hinata beamed as he gingerly slipped a pinky in the sauce mixture- it tasted just right- and replied, “Yeah, I do that too. Except sometimes I watch anime too.”

 

Kageyama turned the tv on and the two sat in silence, Hinata occasionally humming as he cooked. Before the older boy knew it, his apartment was filled with delicious smells, and Hinata yelled at him for dinner. 

 

The two sat down next to each other at the table. Hinata began to eat, but Kageyama gaped openly at the bowl in front of him. 

 

Deliciously, over easy eggs mixed with caramelized, grilled onions and scrambled egg pieces covered a mound of rice. He could smell the sweet and salty sauce mixture coating the rice and eggs, and licked his lips excitedly. 

 

“Well, are you on a diet where you only eat with your eyes?” Hinata elbowed Kageyama, giving him a nervous look as the taller boy took his first heaping bite. 

 

Kageyama groaned quietly, eyes closed in food bliss, before devouring his bowl in a few minutes. Hinata finished his shortly after. “Soooo…. how was it…?”

 

On one hand, he wanted to tell Hinata it was horrible and demand that he cook again as punishment. On the other hand, the smaller boy’s nervous face, waiting in anticipation for his answer, was too cute to tease. “It was...amazing, Hinata, honestly, how did you..??”

 

Relief passed over his face before pure bliss. He squealed happily. “It's really easy, honestly. And you have leftovers for tomorrow!” 

 

“Ugh, just marry me already,” Kageyama jokes, although Hinata can't help but turn red at the comment. 

 

“O-one sec..!” He disappears into the kitchen and emerges with two bowls of fruit, cut and arranged beautifully, with a vanilla cream decorating the top. A delicate shortbread cookie sits next to it. “Sorry, I can't make coffee, I have a special machine at home I use.”

 

Kageyama was once again stunned. How was his little spiker so perfect? “I'd love to try it sometime,” he murmured absently, licking a swipe of the cream off his pointer finger. 

 

Hinata couldn't take his eyes off the tongue. “Well...um...why.. ah! Why don't you come to my place next time? I'll make dinner again, and a proper dessert with coffee.” 

 

Kageyama licked his lips in anticipation. “Yeah, I  _ guess _ I could tolerate another dish you make,” smirking as the smaller boy huffed in indignation. 

\-----

 

Kageyama had followed Hinata home from the cafe the next night, and the two boys were sitting at Hinata’s coffee table on the couch. The smaller boy had prepared everything ahead of time so they could eat quickly. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at the glasses of red wine he poured. 

 

Hinata flushed. “You  _ have _ to have wine with pasta, it's like a requirement,” he explained before setting the plates down. 

 

After some time, and after Kageyama could pause from shoveling the meaty bolognese into his mouth, he openly sung his small partner’s praises. “I wish I could tease you about your cooking, but it's downright fantastic, just like your coffee and your quicks. This is amazing, I don't even understand… it's  _ orgasmic _ it's so good, Hinata!” He excitedly trailed, continuing to clear his plate and poor a second glass of wine. 

 

Hinata was almost finished with his second glass, and turned bright pink when an image of Kageyama popped into his head at  _ orgasmic _ . It was very rare to hear Kageyama compliment  _ anyone _ , let alone  _ himself _ , as he'd much rather use words like dumbass and moron. The poor boy was a little overwhelmed because he got a compliment on his food,  _ and _ his coffee,  _ AND _ his volleyball. “Whoah, Kageyama, are you okay?”

 

Hinata flopped back onto the couch, eyeing his friend warily. Kageyama didn't even scowl, simply staring at him with glowing eyes. “What. You're amazing and I can't get enough…” As if he realized how his words could be interpreted, he added hastily, “ Of this pasta.”

 

The smaller boy took another swig of wine, already poured and on to glass three.  _ Why isn't this wine kicking in yet _ , he milked, thinking about how he'd be much less awkward if he could just get a little buzz going. 

 

“I'm…. I'm not used to getting compliments from you,” he whispered, cheeks flushed while he picked at a spot on the couch. 

 

Kageyama frowned to himself, noticing the discomfort radiating from the other. “I compliment you all the time!”

 

Hinata looked up in blank shock. “I'm sorry,  _ when _ , exactly, do you compliment me?”

 

“I mean, I'm… I'm always talking about your spikes, and… I order a second coffee, and...um..” he let out a frustrated groan. “Do I really never tell you what I think?”

 

“Kageyama, you use ‘idiot’ and ‘dumbass’ more than you say ‘nice serve,’ which you say...a lot.” Hinata rolled his eyes, making to move up from the couch, but lightheadedness overtook him and he flopped back down next to his guest. 

 

When he looked over to him, eyes a little unfocused from the wine, he could clearly see a pained look on Kageyama's face. The taller boy inhaled deeply and said, voice wavering, “I'm sorry. I say things in my head all the time but I guess not out loud. Your food is amazing, your spikes are amazing, and being your partner is my favorite thing in the world.”

 

Hinata became accurately aware of his thigh, pressed against Kageyama’s thigh, and his arm, which had fallen into his guest’s lap. He opened and closed his mouth more than once, trying to find the words he wanted to say, but he couldn't.

 

His words may have been a little slurred from the alcohol, but they rang clear in Kageyama's ears. “I… I think I like you too, Kageyama.”

 

Before either of them realize what they are doing, Hinata is on Kageyama’s lap, straddling it, with his arms wrapped around the taller boy’s neck. They're kissing, sweetly but passionately, with Kageyama’s along arms around Hinata’s middle, pulling his body close until there's nowhere else to go. Kageyama rolls his hips lightly when he feels Hinata's hands curl into his hair, and he uses the sharp gasp of breath to divulge his tongue in the smaller boy's mouth. 

 

They continue kissing, arms wandering over clothes, growing more breathless. Just as they are both panting, Kageyama reaches for the bottom hem of Hinata's shirt. He puts a hand underneath, just touching his abs, wanting to move up towards his chest-

 

With a strong shove, Hinata throws himself backwards, pushing Kageyama away from him roughly. “W-whoah, what, Hinata-” He looks down, seeing his small partner on the ground trembling, eyes wide but unstaring. His arms are holding his small frame, and there are tears on his cheeks. Kageyama jumps down to the floor immediately, and more softly asks, “Hinata, are you okay? Did I.. did I do something?”

 

Within a few minutes, Hinata’s shaky sobs slow, and his eyes refocus to Kageyama and the apartment. His apartment. “I….I saw..” Suddenly pain overtakes the small man, and he howls, clutching his middle and bending over himself. “Not him, not him,” he's crying in barely a whisper. 

 

“Hinata… hey, it's okay, I'm sorry. Do you want to get up, maybe get some water?” Kageyama’s heart aches, but he can feel this is another attack like at practice. Something happened and his friend was transported back to his bad place. Something he may have done sent him there, and he wanted nothing more than to soothe him. 

 

“N-no… I'm sorry, I'm so, s-so sorry,” Hinata whispers between hiccups. He shakily gets up. The boy’s breath is shallow and fast, but his red eyes are clear. “Just go home, Kageyama.”

 

“What? No, I'm not leaving you like this, idio-”

 

“I said, LEAVE!” Hinata suddenly shouts. He grabs Kageyama and throws him from the couch roughly. “Get the fuck out of my apartment!” 

 

Kageyama narrows his eyes. “No.”

 

Hinata lets out a frustrated groan. “You don't deserve to deal with me, you should just leave.” When Kageyama tries to protest, he bitterly tells the taller boy, “I'm damaged goods. Don't bother,” before shoving him out of his door. It closes with a click, and Kageyama is suddenly outside of Hinata's apartment at 1:00AM, listening to pained cries coming from within. 

 

The raven haired boy pounds on Hinata's door for a while, telling him to let him in, but receives no answer. He ends up sitting against the door miserably, unmoving out of fear. 

 

Meanwhile, Hinata was inside, curled up on the couch. He had put his head between pillows until the thumping on the door stopped. His tears finally dried up, and he turned over, spotting the wine.  _ Ah, good call buying two _ , he commended himself before opening the second and chugging it from the bottle. 

 

It feels like days, but Kageyama glances at his watch- it said 2:19am- at the same time that he hears a loud crash from within the apartment. He hears a scream, then a groan of pain, and in a panicked, scattered mind frame he jumps up to the door. Without thinking he pulls the handle- it's open. 

 

When Kageyama runs into the apartment, he finds Hinata on the floor by the coffee table. A bottle of wine, luckily mostly empty, had shattered on the ground next to him. His shin was bleeding, and he was whimpering in pain. 

 

Kageyama ducked into the bathroom, finding the first aid kit, before kneeling next to Hinata. “Don't move, Shou, I've got you. I'll take care of this.” His words were soft, and slightly eased the pain in Hinata's heart. His touch was gentle, careful, pausing his cleaning of the wound when Hinata let out a low hiss, and before they both knew it the cut was bandaged up. 

 

The whole time Kageyama is examining the rest of his body for cuts or glass, Hinata is mumbling. “When you went under my shirt… felt like ‘kawa.. so I saw’im, an I don wanna see ‘im when I'm with you…I jus wanna forget kawa foreber...”

 

Kageyama could see while he was in the hallway, the smaller boy had finished an entire bottle of wine himself. It looked like he crashed into the coffee table. Luckily no glass was anywhere in him, especially his hands, and Kageyama quickly cleaned it up from the floor. 

 

The taller boy sighs, scooping up his partner and taking him to his bed. “Hinata… you're a rape victim. I expect things to be- tricky, we'll say. I'm willing to work with you because I want you to be okay, and… I care about you, you idiot.”

 

Hinata shakes his head furiously, making fervent noises that definitely mean ‘absolutely not.’ “You can't tell me no, Hinata, not when I know we both like each other. So stop resisting and let me help you.” 

 

The ginger’s eyes stare sadly, helplessly into Kageyama's. He feels a sharp stab to his chest- the eyes are so clear, so naive but so pained. The dark haired boy doesn't know how he can prove to these eyes he is, in fact, trustworthy, so he stares back, trying to pass his heart through their shared vision. 

 

After a moment, Hinata drops the stare. “Mkay Kags, c’mere,” he grabs his guest’s shirt and pulls him on the bed next to him. “I don't… I don't wanna be alone. Stay… please.” His voice is soft and desperate, face aflame from the alcohol and the request. 

 

Kageyama nods, settling into the bed. Hinata cuddles into his side, throwing an arm around the strong chest. The taller boy blushes, not anticipating the intimate contact.  _ I guess I should have expected that, he IS drunk _ . 

 

“Mm, Kags?” Hinata mumbles, searching for his partner’s voice. 

 

“Mhm?”

 

Hinata quickly, quietly, sweetly kisses Kageyama before laying back down. “Do you wanna… do more things with me?” He hides his face in the crook of the comfortable arm and listens to the quickened heartbeat. 

 

Kageyama clears his throat uncomfortably. “Of course I do. I want to do and say more things to you. But now isn't the time. Ultimately, I want to do more  _ things _ with you when  _ you _ want to do them.”

 

The smaller man seems content with that answer, and before long is snoring softly next to his dearest setter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets fluffier and fluffier as time goes on o3o 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! It feels like it's been ages since I posted but it's been like 3 days LOL. Thanks to everyone, as always, for the comments and bookmarks and kudos, you fill my heart with joy <3 If you have any requests for a HQ related pairing or scenario, message me here or tumblr! (bare-bu). I'm happy to oblige :)


	12. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kageyama tries his best to not fuck Hinata up worse...poor things.

Kageyama grumbled as Hinata led him into a dark karaoke room. As the door opened, there was confetti in his face, and shouts of “Surprise!” made his ears ring. Blinking, he was able to focus on the outlines of his teammates, smiling and laughing as they held used party poppers. 

 

“Happy Birthday, Kageyama!”! Sugawara patted him on the back, pulling the birthday boy into the room. Hinata shut the door with a click. 

 

The table was lined with snacks and drinks, mostly alcoholic; Noya was already belting out a Disney song with Asahi as backup. Kageyama’s mouth twitched, trying to hold back a smile. “What's all this?”

 

“We organized a surprise party, obviously!” Hinata's comment was met with a playful smack by the setter. “We didn't know what kind of liquor you liked though so…. Tanaka went a bit crazy.”

 

Kageyama hadn't felt this weird warmth in his stomach before. He shrugged it off, although no longer able to hide his smile. Never had anyone outside of his family celebrated his birthday for him- he was used to being alone- but here was his team, not letting him avoid the fact that he was now 20. 

 

“Well, you guys went through all this trouble….. I guess I  _ have _ to have a drink,” He smirked, pouring a glass and thoroughly enjoying himself. 

 

The party was considered a success, according to Noya, the self-declared party king. Everyone left inebriated, some more than others, but none more than the birthday boy himself. Hinata had to help him in the train ride home, but he enjoyed seeing him so carefree and loose with his expressions. He didn't think he'd ever seen the taller boy smile so much. 

 

Hinata got Kageyama to his apartment, who was a little better off by the time they got inside. “Hinaaaataaaaaa, can you stay with me?” His playful voice alerted the boy in question, who was in the kitchen trying to make something for the lush to eat. Toast seemed like the best bet. 

 

“What, Kageyama?”

 

“Hinata, will you stay with me….” He thought for a moment before adding, “...Please?” 

 

Hinata made it to the couch, where Kageyama was sitting. “Sure, Kags. I'm happy to make sure you don't choke on your own throw up later!” As he was laughing, Kageyama grabbed his waist, pulling him onto him on the couch. 

 

Kageyama was pouting. “Don't call me  _ Kags,  _ who are you? Call me  _ Tobio _ , that's my name…” His hands were absent mindedly running over Hinata’s frame and through his hair. 

 

The smaller boy blushed. “You want me to call you  _ Tobio _ ?” His voice came out in a squeak. 

 

“..Mmmm…. yeah, yeah, do that. And I'll call you Shouyou.” His face screwed up in thought. “Nah, Shou. It's too long, too much effort to say that.”

 

Hinata buried his head in Kageyama's chest. “O-okay… Tobio.”

 

His response, almost like he was out of breath, came out nervous, choked through a whisper. Something about hearing him say his name sent Kageyama over the edge. He lifted Hinata's chin, and pushed their lips together in a rather sloppy, liquid-courage infused kiss. 

 

Hinata had to admit, things wouldn't have gone so far if he hadn't also had a drink. But, in his current state, he didn't have the energy to say no to the deepening kiss, or the hands that wandered over his body and under his shirt. It felt good, the first intimate moment he ever had that felt  _ right, _ and he didn't want it to end. 

 

By the time Hinata came out of his alcoholic haze, the pair was shirtless, Kageyama above him on the couch. The birthday boy was reaching for Hinata's pants. His hand ran over the boy's bulge, triggering a response. The orange haired boy stiffened, pushing Kageyama’s hands away. 

 

“Ka-Tobio, stop,” he whispered, attempting to get up from the taller boy. 

 

Kageyama whined, gyrating his hips into the boy below him, reaching a hand into his pants. “Why,” he whined. He simply didn't understand why Hinata wanted to stop, when they were both hard and interested in each other. His drunk self couldn’t comprehend why  _ not _ to continue where this was going. 

 

Hinata ran cold, his face turning white.  _ No, no, this is Kageyama, he isn't like Oikawa, he'll stop _ , he assured himself. “Because I said stop,” he told him firmly. 

 

The birthday boy ignored him, reaching his hand deeper into Hinata's pants. “That's not a real reason,” he murmured, pressing his mouth to Hinata's chest. 

 

“Kageyama,  _ stop _ \- I said STOP!” He pushed at the boy’s head, painfully pulling it up. 

 

“But you don't  _ really _ want to stop, I mean look at you-” as Kageyama said it, he squeezed Hinata's slight erection, eliciting a gasp from the smaller boy. 

 

“No...no,” he murmured quietly. Suddenly, he broke. With all his strength, Hinata shoved Kageyama off and jumped from the couch. Tears had welled in his eyes, and he was visibly shaking. 

 

Kageyama looked up, and his face went blank when he actually, truly  _ looked _ at Hinata. The intoxicated stupor he had been in fled his body immediately. What was he  _ doing? _

 

“What my body does has nothing to do with whether I want something or not,  _ Kageyama _ .” The  words ripped through his heart like a knife. Hinata immediately turned, running, ignoring Kageyama's cries of his name, and he slammed the door on his way out. 

\------

One whole weekend, and not a single sighting of his setter. Hinata couldn’t decide if that was how he wanted it or not. His heart felt torn in two. On one hand, he really wanted Kageyama to burst into the cafe right before closing and do something,  _ anything _ , to convince him to forgive. On the other hand, though, the idea of seeing his partner, of having to look him in the face and be in the same room, gave him goosebumps. He felt scared, and that made him more upset than anything else. 

 

By the time Monday morning came around, Hinata had completely devolved. He hadn’t eaten in 2 days- maybe, he wasn’t sure- and the only reason he was sitting in the library was because of the test he had in a few hours (although he couldn’t remember what is was about or why he bothered to think he would pass it.) Just as he was mustering the strength to get up and drag himself to the train, he heard his name and whipped around to face the offender.

 

“Hina- Hinata, are you okay?!” Suga was standing next to him, his voice- originally excited- turned nervous. “You look so pale… are you sick?”

 

Hinata didn’t think he’d have the energy to actually talk to anyone, but Suga had this presence about him that always picked him up and enveloped him like a towel fresh from the dryer. His older friend slid into the seat across from him, his brow furrowed in concern. “Hinata, you look like you haven’t eaten and- what’s going on?”

 

Suga’s genuine concern was too much for the smaller boy. If he kept prodding, Hinata felt like he was going to explode, and he’d done so well at constructing his delicate wall. He didn’t want it to fall down right now, here, at the library, in front of his senpai. Suga had other plans, though.

 

The silver haired boy pulled out a rice ball and water bottle, pushing them across to Hinata after opening both. He folded his hands on the table, but reached one gently to touch the other boy’s arm. “Do you want to talk about anything, Hinata? I’m here if you do, but if not, it’s okay too.”

 

His kindness, his warmth, his care was too much. Water welled in the orange haired boy’s eyes, and it was taking every part of him not to break down in the middle of the library. Suga saw silent tears start to streak down his face, and took action, throwing everything into their bags and pushing Hinata into one of the private study rooms. 

 

He locked the door and instantly pulled his younger friend into his arms. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m here if you need anything.”

 

Hinata’s silent tears became audible, and he dissolved into the silver haired boy, collapsing into his arms. The two ended up on the floor, Suga letting Hinata cry until he was quiet once more. Suga continued his gentle circular motions on the smaller boy’s back until he sat up, rubbing his red eyes warily. 

 

“I don’t….know what to say,” Hinata murmured sheepishly, avoiding direct eye contact. 

 

Suga smiled- that warm, soft smile that made you want to reveal your worries and let them be washed away by it. “That’s okay, Hinata. I’m just happy I found you. You look...well...you seem depressed, to be blunt.”

 

Hinata laid on the ground, arm over his eyes. “Depressed….hm.” He thought about Kageyama, and his heart hurt. He thought about how he wasn’t eating, how he didn’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning, how nothing felt  _ good _ anymore. “Maybe something like that…” 

 

“Did something happen?”

 

Orange hair bobbed, ever so slightly. 

 

“What happened, Hinata?” Suga saw his body tense up, and he quickly reassured him. “It’s okay, I promise I won’t judge anything, I’m just here to make sure you’re okay, that’s all I care about.”

 

Hinata’s lips trembled. He wanted to tell Suga, he did, but he didn’t know what to  _ say _ because he didn’t know how to explain everything. Only Kageyama and himself would ever understand the events of last Friday night, and only he would ever understand how it made him feel. But, he still wanted to try. 

 

“I….I took Kageyama home after the party, he was really drunk… He didn’t want me to leave him alone, but then something happened and it was too much. It was too much too fast for me and he wasn’t listening to me and he wasn’t stopping and I got so scared…”His voice trembled. “I didn’t want to be scared of him so I ran away, but it feels like I’m only good for one thing and that scares me too and….” The word vomit faltered, trailing off when he ran out of things to say. 

 

Suga frowned. Kageyama knew even more about the abuse Hinata encountered- could he ever get so drunk as to not take that into consideration? He knew Kageyama to be selfish and a bit obstinate, but he saw the way the younger boy would look at Hinata, clearly with love. He had done something, though, and it had Hinata in a mess of emotions. 

 

“Hinata, it sounds like to me the only way to make yourself feel better is by talking it out with Kageyama-” Orange hair was shaking furiously side to side, so Suga sighed and acknowledged defeat of the most obvious idea. “What if me, or maybe even Daichi, acted as a mediator?” Still an obvious no. “I mean, are you just going to avoid him forever? What are you going to do if he comes to your apartment, or the cafe?” Hinata paused, considering the thought, but never said no. Suga had his answer. 

 

He lifted the younger boy up to his feet, rubbing his head affectionately. “Are you feeling better?” Accepting the small nod, he continued. “Good. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me, that’s what friends do….and if I  _ don’t _ hear from you in the next day or two, well…” He smirked. “You don’t want to know what I’ll do to you.” Suga laughed, both genuinely and a tiny bit maniacally, before leading Hinata out of the library and to the train station. 

\----

“Another day and no number 10,” Daichi muttered. Suga was standing next to him in the club room, the rest of the team long gone from a rough practice. 

 

The silver haired boy bit his lip. He wanted to talk to Daichi about Hinata, but at the same time didn’t want to break his younger friend’s trust. It was a fine line, and he took a deep breath in anticipation. “Yeah….about that.”   
  
Daichi perked up, turning to Suga. “Do you know why Hinata has been missing in action all week?!”

 

He sighed. “I found Hinata in the library the other day...It seems that after Kageyama’s birthday party, they had a  _ situation _ ..” Suga trailed off, looking at Daichi, contemplating his words. “Kageyama may have triggered the prior incident Hinata had in the past. I know it wasn’t intentional but our poor spiker is rightfully hurt and scared. I’m pretty worried about him,” he murmured, his eyes closing and brow furrowing in concern. 

 

Daichi pulled Suga into a hug, and the silver haired boy melted into him. “I’m sure Hinata will be okay. It sounds like Kageyama needs to apologize, right?” He felt Suga shaking his head.

 

“Yeah, but it’s not that simple…I’m not sure how he can prove himself to Hinata. Considering Kageyama is the one who brought him back into this world, which hurt him so much before, I just...I don’t know. But I’m worried for him, Dai..”

 

As if on cue, they turned to a rusling at the door, and Kageyama appeared, breathless. “Oh, I’m sorry- I left my phone-” Panting slightly, he walked in and grabbed his phone from his locker. Daichi suddenly turned him around, pushing him against the metal, holding him firmly by his shirt. Kageyama, stunned at his captain’s moves, was slack against the hands.

 

“I’m not going to repeat myself, so listen closely, Kageyama.” Daichi waited for a nod before continuing. “I don’t know what is going on with Hinata, but I know you’re involved somehow. So you need to fix it. Be a better person than you were before, and talk to him.”

 

Kageyama started to protest, and Suga cut him off this time. “I found Hinata in the library earlier this week, Kageyama. He looked...really bad. He didn’t tell me much but I know something happened, and I’m scared for him. I couldn’t help him.” Suga’s desperate voice made the raven haired boy bite his lip, avoiding his gaze.

 

“I can’t...I can’t do anything,” Kageyama’s hoarse, quiet voice surprised the seniors. His eyes were closed, his mouth screwed into a deep frown. “I was drunk and not thinking, and I didn’t  _ listen  _ to Hinata when he told me to stop. I fucked up. I don’t want him to  _ ever  _ feel like he did with Oikawa, so I’m just...I’m just trying to disappear from his life and prevent that. I’m...I’m prepared to quit volleyball if I need to.”

 

Suga and Daichi shared a look before Suga spoke. “The only one who  _ can _ do something is you, Kageyama. I don’t think Hinata will be okay until he gets some kind of closure. You have to talk to him. Just make him feel safe, and talk. For him.”

  
With their voices ringing in his ears, Kageyama dragged his heavy feet and beating heart to the train station, and past the turn off for his street, straight to Hinata’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's not super happy but I swear Kags is a good guy T^T This part ended up taking longer than I wanted to figure out, so I had to end this chapter so much earlier than I wanted. But I'm sick so hopefully I'll write more tomorrow to help appease you all of this tragic chapter! xoxo


	13. The Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama confronts Hinata about his mistake; Hinata comes up with an idea to help him heal.

Kageyama had been knocking on Hinata’s door for 15 minutes without an answer. He  _ knew _ the spiker was home, though, because of the small scuttling noise he heard after his first knock. Growing frustrated, he wiggled the knob, jumping back when the door opened.  _ His door wasn’t even locked, this idiot _ \- he stopped his thoughts as he entered the apartment, closing the door behind him. 

 

Everything was dark and musty. It was cold, but the air felt stale, and he instinctively coughed to clear his throat. He calmed his breath as he walks through the apartment, listening for any sound to locate his partner. As he walks into the bedroom, he can hear something from the closet, and he runs to it, swinging the door open with a bang. 

 

Hinata is there, on the floor of the closet, scrunched up into the smallest ball his body could make. He’s crying, eyes bloodshot and cheeks stained from tears, and there is a chef’s knife in his hand. Small words occasionally escape his mouth, murmurings of “alone, don’t, no, leave” hitting the taller boy’s heart like a truck.

 

Kageyama drops to the floor immediately, eyes wide and searching for an answer. He reaches for Hinata, who shoves the knife in his direction, face white with fear. Kageyama stops reaching for him, sitting back on his heels, Hinata’s face burned into his eyes as his heart crumbled. His soul felt shredded into a million pieces. He can’t stop his silent tears any longer, and as he talks they fall around his strained voice.

 

“Hinata...I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry. I know that’s not enough. I care about you more than you know. I- I think I  _ love _ you, you idiot, but I’ve been trying not to because I know you’re hurting... and everything with Oikawa. But when I was drunk, and you were there, I didn’t care anymore because I knew I really liked you and wanted you and I knew you did too- but I stopped listening to what you said, I was lost in your body- I promise, I won’t drink like that again, not around you, because I  _ never _ want to lose myself like that. I don’t want you to stop healing,” he murmured, sobbing harder than before, stuttering over his tears. “I want you to keep playing volleyball and making friends and working at the cafe- I’m prepared to leave all of that for you, because you deserve it and I...I don’t. I’ll be okay knowing you have that, knowing that  _ you  _ will be okay..”

 

As Kageyama talked, Hinata slowly lowered the knife until it slipped from his fingers and clattered to the ground. His body unwound from itself until he was up on his knees. He went to reach for Kageyama, but his arms locked up, and they fell uselessly to his side. His eyes study the taller boy throughout the speech, watching every tear, every emotion that passes over his face.  _ He’s not lying, he’s actually prepared to do all of that for me _ , Hinata realizes. The truth is so obvious it squeezes his heart painfully.  _ He loves me. _

 

“Kageyama….stop. Just stop.” The setter shuts up instantly. Hinata sighs, sitting back down on his legs. “I’m...I don’t know what I am. I’m sad and upset and my heart aches. I know you’re telling me your truth, but I just can’t make my body trust you again. I don’t want you to become another Oikawa, Tobio.” They sit in silence for a few moments, Hinata torn between putting his heart in the taller boy’s hands or pretending it doesn’t exist.

 

“I just...in that moment, I felt like I was only good for my body. That’s what Oikawa made me feel, like I’m just some thing for people to use. I don’t want to feel that way with you. Let me just….let me try and trust you again. Maybe my body can trust you again.”

 

Kageyama nodded. “I’m so sorry, Hinata. I understand. I’ll leave.” He stood up and walked towards the door. Pausing, he turned around to face the smaller boy again, who was getting up unsteadily himself. 

 

“I saw you once at a volleyball tournament in high school. I remembered you because you were the only person there who looked like me, who was so full of passion and fire for your match. Seeing you made me want to be a better setter, and spread that passion on my own team. When I saw you at the cafe, you looked familiar and I couldn’t figure out why until I saw you at practice. When you spiked that first ball I set to you, I knew who you were. You used to be this faceless nobody in my mind, always encouraging me to be better and keep playing the game, but once I actually knew you, I couldn’t get enough. The real you I’ve come to know is a million times better than the one from my memory.”

 

He walked out of the door, pointedly closing the it with a loud click. Hinata shakily pulled himself outside of the bedroom, locking his door and collapsing on the couch. Although he was trembling, he felt better than before, and he rubbed his tired eyes slowly. He knew he wanted to trust that Kageyama wasn’t like Oikawa, but every time he pictured himself alone with him, his body froze, chills running through him. The story he left him with made him weak, though, and he wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in Kageyama’s warm, tall body. 

 

The orange haired boy tossed and turned on his sofa for hours, thinking about Kageyama’s apology- the way he trembled when he spoke, the way his tears streaked across his usually hardened face, the way his arms reached instinctively for Hinata even when a knife pointed towards him, the way his strong thighs held him up, flexing in response to Hinata’s words….. 

 

Hinata groaned, pulling himself up. If we wanted to see what he and Kageyama could be, he had to learn to trust him again. If he wanted to trust again, he’d have to be around him. The only way to do that comfortably was by going to practice. He looked at the clock. “Well, I guess rolling around on my couch for 14 hours is good enough,” he grumbled to himself as he got up to get ready for volleyball practice. 

\------

Kageyama walked into the gym for practice and dropped the ball he was holding, tripping over it and tumbling to the ground.

 

“Oi, stop slacking, Kageyama, you’ve got tosses to send!” Hinata’s voice prompted action, and he jumped off the ground in a heartbeat. 

 

“Hinata?” Kageyama’s eyes were wide as he stared at the smaller boy as if he was a ghost.

 

Orange hair bobbed as he laughed, smiling wide as he always did. “Yeah, who else is going to call you on your shit. Get moving and toss me some spikes!”

 

And just like that, it was like Hinata had never stopped coming to practice. The only weird thing Kageyama noticed was for the entire week, after practice, somehow the smaller boy always disappeared. He never caught him on the way home to walk together, nor did he ever see him leaving the gym. Assuming it had to do with avoiding being alone with him, he didn’t press the topic until Friday afternoon.

 

He shot a message over to Hinata,and when he got a reply, he felt like it was the first time he could breathe all day.  _ “Am I okay to come to the cafe and look over practice videos?” _

 

“ _ Yeah of course! Just don’t stay too late, it’s supposed to be really cold tonight, so I’d be worried about your run home. _ ” 

 

Kageyama got the message loud and clear. He was determined to do anything and everything to make Hinata feel at ease with him again. Maybe he blew his chances at exploring whatever they could have been, but he couldn’t dwell on that for too long without his heart swelling in pain. So, instead, he focused on how to make sure Hinata could be his friend, and play the best damn volleyball he could. 

 

As it drew later into the evening, Kageyama could tell Hinata got more and more restless. When the last customer slowly got up from his seat, the taller boy rushed up, throwing everything in his bag. “Have a good night, Barista,” he shouted from the door, waving as he ran outside before the elderly man reached the door. 

 

This continued for weeks- three weeks, to be exact, not that Kageyama was counting. Hinata had slowly come back out of his shell over the past few days- his natural glow had returned, he regained his energy and weight, and he didn’t miss any more practices. 

 

That Friday, at the cafe, though, Kageyama was concerned. Hinata was clearly nervous. Something was different. He wasn’t nervous like a mouse eyeing a trap, as per usual, but more like a pent up, anxious nervousness that put even the customers on edge. It was only 10PM, but the cafe was suddenly empty except for the volleyball duo.

 

“Do you want me to leave, Hinata?” Kageyama called at him from his seat, moving to pack up. 

 

“NO!” Hinata clamped a hand over his mouth, turning from Kageyama’s view. “N-no, um, you can stay!”

 

Raising an eyebrow, Kageyama put an ear bud back in, turning to the video on his tablet. “Okay, but I’ll need another drink, Barista.” He indulges a small smirk before focusing on the game on screen.

 

The corners of Hinata’s lips lifted ever so slightly as he pulled out the heavy cream and espresso beans. He’d had an idea come to him the last few days, but he didn’t know how to present it to Kageyama.  _ I guess I’ll present it with a drink _ , he decided on a whim, as he whipped the cream, waiting for the beans to grind.

 

A few minutes later, Hinata was at the table, presenting a rather small cup to Kageyama. “Your drink, as requested.”

 

Kageyama looked at it a bit suspiciously- the cup was small, and the contents couldn’t be determined. In fact, it looked like just a cup of whipped cream. With a quick, questionable glance at Hinata, he took a small sip.

 

The taller boy was hit with a very strong but smooth warmth of espresso before being soothed by the fresh, barely sweet cream layer. Eyes wide, he turned to the barista. “What is this? It’s so different from what you usually make me.”

 

The orange haired boy grinned, sitting down across from Kageyama. He’d forgotten how much he loved to surprise his customer with his creations. “This is just a little take on an Espresso con Panna. Basically, it’s a shot of espresso with whipped cream, but I twisted it a bit. I made a particularly strong espresso with really dark beans, and then slightly sweetened the cream with a tiny hint of vanilla bean. Just a tiny, tiny bit. What do you think?”

 

Kageyama took another sip. “I like it! It’s like the espresso had full control over my tastebuds, and then soothed it with sweetness.”

 

“Bingo! That’s what I was going for,” Hinata put a hand on his face, halfway covering his mouth. “It’s kinda...I had an idea, kinda like the drink I made you.”

 

The taller boy perked up. “What’s your idea?”

 

A blush started spreading over Hinata’s face, but he continued. “I was thinking, since everything feels..normal again, with you, maybe we could try something.” He took a deep breath, peerking at Kageyama’s questioning gaze before continuing. “Maybe, let me do stuff...like, let me make decisions and I can stop when I want. Or if I tell you to stop then you stop and if you don’t, well…” His lips trembled, his face red as a tomato, and he couldn’t look his partner in the face.

 

“Do  _ stuff _ ? I’m happy to do whatever you want, Hinata, especially if it means we feel normal again...but what do you mean by ‘do stuff’?” 

 

Kageyama’s eyes stopped mid-roll, as suddenly Hinata was straddling his lap, hands cupping his face and forcing it to line up with the orange hair. “Like this,” Hinata murmured before pressing their lips together for the first time in weeks. 

 

The kiss felt warm and comforting, like a long-lost friend, and Hinata didn’t want to let go. He wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s neck, pulling him closer, and he felt tentative hands on his waist doing the same. 

 

It felt like minutes later, although in reality it was probably seconds, they broke apart, Hinata lowering his forehead to Kageyama’s chest and gripping his shirt. “L-like that, do stuff like...that.” Kageyama gripped Hinata’s waist harder, and Hinata immediately jumped off of his lap, swatting the hands away. “No,” he said sternly, the taller boy nodding.

 

“Sorry, instinct,” he mumbled, face flushed. He missed the warmth of Hinata’s body on him already. 

 

“It’s alright. I forgive you,” Hinata whispered, eyes wide, before turning at the jingle of the bell. “Welcome in, sir! Late night for you. What can I get started?” His cheery voice echoed in the cafe, and although he tried, Kageyama could no longer focus on anything except that voice for the rest of the night. 

 

Kageyama was packing up when Hinata emerged from the bathroom. “Ready to sprint tonight? I bet you haven’t been pushing yourself without me around,” Hinata teased, playfully slapping him on the arm.

 

“Oh, we’ll see who is out of breath by the time we get to the convenience store. In fact, I bet two meat buns that it’s you, not me!” 

 

Hinata’s eyes glittered. If meat buns were on the line, he was not going to be beat. “Loser pays!” As soon as he locked up the store, the duo took off, sprinting along the train tracks.

 

Breathless, Hinata attempted to regain his heart rate while waiting for Kageyama to come out of the Family Mart. He emerged with meat buns in hand and a deep scowl on his face.

 

“You may have beaten me by a foot, but you’re definitely more winded than I am. You owe me tomorrow.” He threw the two buns at Hinata, who caught them easily. 

 

As they reached the fork where they split, Hinata pushed Kageyama’s body in the direction of the taller boy’s apartment, walking ahead of him. “I was thinking,” the orange head bobbed as he chewed, mumbling words around his mouthful, “Let’s keep trying stuff.”

 

Both boys were happy their faces went unseen. Hinata was red, the blush deepening onto his chest, and Kageyama had his mouth agape, eyes wide in shock. The setter was the first to react, jogging to catch up to his partner, although avoiding his gaze. 

 

“I’m not going to say no if you offer,” he muttered. After looking at the smaller boy through the corner of his eye, in a quiet voice he added, “My feelings haven’t changed.”

 

They reached Kageyama’s apartment, stepping through the entrance and removing their shoes. Hinata eyed the couch, opting for a seat on the floor in front of it, and proceeded to pick at a loose string in the rug. 

 

Kageyama walked over with tea, laughing as he set it on the coffee table. “Don’t be so nervous, Hinata- we’re only going to do ‘ _ stuff _ ’ if and when you want. Otherwise-” he flopped unceremoniously on the couch, yawning and clicking on the TV, “It’s just a normal hangout for me.” Scratching his stomach, Kageyama stretched his arms and then placed them behind his head. It was taking all of his energy to remain this calm, but he knew he needed to for Hinata’s sake. 

 

Hinata laid his head back against the couch. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Kageyama’s exposed stomach, the abdominal muscles, the tiniest bit of raven hair he could spy trailing at the edge of his sweatpants….. The smaller boy gulped, turning around to face the couch. Ignoring Kageyama’s questioning look, he laid his head on that stomach, taking in the surprised expression he received in return.

 

“Are you ticklish?” The question helped ease the tension, and Kageyama’s face resumed its usual smirk. 

 

“Not at all. Although, if I was, do you really think I’d tell you, dumbass?” 

 

Hinata blew a puff of air, pouting. “That’s no fair, why do you get  _ everything _ .” His whine made Kageyama roll his eyes.

 

“I doubt I have  _ everything _ .”

 

“You totally do, it’s not fair! You’re tall, you’re not ticklish, you’re insanely good at volleyball, you’re really hot, and-” Hinata stopped himself, turning his head into Kageyama’s stomach, rubbing it in while he mumbled his last thought.

 

“And?” Kageyama’s eyes were dark with curiosity. He was trying not to get stuck on the fact that his spiker called him  _ hot _ , when clearly something else more juicy was on his mind.

 

“Nevermind!” Hinata turned his head so Kageyama couldn’t see his face.

 

The raven haired boy gulped. This view was going to kill him. Hinata was on his knees on the floor, head turned towards his lap, and he could feel warm breath through his sweatpants. On  _ him _ . Kageyama bit his lip while closing his eyes, trying to block out his imagination from taking him elsewhere while begging his blood to not go where it was trying to.

 

Hinata sighed. He was here, he might as well experiment. He’d had the idea to take control of his situation with Kageyama in his sleep- he would take the knowledge to his grave, but he’d had a rather erotic dream with his partner, and thought maybe if he initiated their contact, their kisses, their touches, maybe then he would be okay. As he opened his eyes, re-adjusting to the dim room, he noticed something quite prominent in his face.

 

Kageyama was hard. Well, at least half-hard, Hinata couldn’t tell, but he definitely had some form of an erection going on, and it made Hinata’s heart jump in excitement.  _ I turned Kageyama on by doing next to nothing, so….I wonder what other things will do _ , his mind wandered, deciding his next action. 

 

The raven haired boy snapped his eyes open when Hinata lifted his head, only to see the smaller boy lowering himself on his lap once again. “Ugh.” he murmured, feeling his erection through his sweats touching Hinata’s own clothed backside. 

 

“Ugh?!” The spiker was pouting, intentionally sitting up and putting all of his weight on Kageyama’s lap, and it was driving him crazy.

 

“Not a gross ugh but a…”

 

Hinata smirked. “I saw, don’t worry.” He leaned down, laying his chest on Kageyama’s, wrapping one arm around his head. “I liked what I saw,” he whispered before locking their lips together.

 

Kageyama couldn’t stop the moan this time- hell, if Hinata knew, what was the point in hiding it- and the orange haired boy used the moment to swirl their tongues together, pushing into his mouth. Hinata’s other hand was roaming his chest, and Kageyama grabbed onto his small hips, pressing up against them. 

 

The smaller boy’s mouth left his own, trailing kisses down Kageyama’s neck. Right above the collarbone he stopped, nibbling and sucking on a particular spot until an angry red mark blossomed. He removed the pesky shirt, trailing his mouth down to Kageyama’s nipples, and began to pay attention to them. One hand played with one, pinching and rubbing on the perky bud, while his mouth enveloped the other, flicking it with his tongue and sucking gently. 

 

“Hina...ta..” Kageyama’s voice was raspy with desire, his eyes closed while his head was flopped back in defeat. He ground his hips into the boy’s above him, able to feel Hinata’s own hard on as well. When Kageyama reached for Hinata’s shirt, the smaller boy swatted his hands away, sitting upright.

“No,” he murmured, eyes bright, a tinge of fear reflecting in them. “Let me do the touching, okay?”

 

Kageyama bit his lip but nodded. Hinata continued the assault on his body, but all Kageyama could think about was how much he wanted to do this to Hinata, too. How he wanted to look at his frame, look  _ all over _ , touch and feel and bring pleasure to him. But that was asking too much right now, so he contented himself with holding on to the smaller boy’s hips and giving in to the attention. 

 

When Hinata pulled his sweatpants down just enough to expose his erection, Kageyama hissed. “O-oh…” The taller boy had enough sense to squint at Hinata, is face wide with surprise. “You’re..um..big.”

 

“Fuck, Hinata, you can’t just  _ say _ that,” Kageyama groaned, his hip bucking unintentionally. He drew a hand up to the orange hair, directing their eyes to meet. “Are you okay?” His voice, although tinged with desperation, was earnest, and Hinata nodded in response.

 

Hinata reached a hand down and as he brushed a finger over Kageyama’s leaking tip, the boy groaned- loudly. Hinata grinned at the response, grasping the bottom half of the length with his hand and slowly working it up and down, admiring how his dick twitched every time he brushed his thumb over the top. 

 

The orange haired boy smirked before pressing his lips to Kageyama’s slit, who gasped in response. Before the raven haired boy knew what was happening, Hinata’s mouth was around the entire head, his tongue playing with the skin at the tip, tasting the pre-cum and swirling aroudn the sensitive spot.

 

“F-fuck, Shyou, you can’t just-  _ ohmygod _ ,” Kageyama cried out as Hinata’s mouth engulfed his entire shaft. He could feel the smaller boy’s nose buried into his hair,and he groaned again when Hinata bobbed his head up and back down. Kageyama felt Hinata’s throat clench-  _ He must have gagged _ \- but the boy seemed unfazed as he continued to slowly bob his head up and down, sucking and swirling his tongue.

 

Kageyama knew he wouldn’t last long, and he didn’t. After a few minutes and an increased pace from Hinata, the raven haired boy orgasmed into his mouth, moaning as he came. His hips bucked into Hinata’s face, and his vision went white.

 

By the time he came back from his orgasmic high, he glanced down at Hinata, who was snuggled against his side on the couch. He could feel the smaller boy’s own neglected erection against his leg. “Hinata, are you sure…?” Kageyama murmured, poking his knee at the crotch, eliciting a groan from Hinata.

 

The boy nodded against his chest, burying his face into it. “I’m s-sure,” he choked out.

 

Kageyama frowned. Something was off. He forced Hinata’s face up to his with a gentle tap of his chin, and his own face went white. 

 

Hinata was crying.

 

“Shyou-Hinata, what’s wrong? Are you okay?! What-” He scurried to hop off of the couch. “Here, I’ll leave-”

 

“No! No, no, please don’t leave me,” Hinata’s plea made Kageyama pause, staring into his face. “I just...I’m just overwhelmed, y-you were perfect, you  _ are _ p-perfect.” He rubbed his watery eyes, pushing the tears away. “I just wish I could do more..”

 

Kageyama didn’t miss the lust in his eyes, even if it was hidden behind fear. He circled his limbs around the smaller boy, enveloping him into a gentle hug. “That’s okay. Don’t push yourself. I will wait for you.” The soft words, whispered while Kageyama drifted into sleep, lulled Hinata into his own dream world. 

 

_ He’ll wait for me _ , he thought to himself.  _ He’s different. He won’t take what he wants right now, he’ll wait...it’s different this time _ . The duo slept like that, surrounded by each other’s warmth, unmoving until the sunlight woke them up the next day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I always surprise myself with where my chapters go... LOL
> 
> I don't have a big overarching idea anymore, but instead kind of write an outline for each chapter as I go, and then fill in the outline. I'm struggling with where this will end and when? Obviously I'm not near that yet but still, it's something to think about :c
> 
> And then I think, omg what am I going to write after this? More of my favorite bbs? Or other little muffins? I HAVE NO IDEA. So then I panic and get distracted and don't write this one because I don't want it to end. XD
> 
> Anyway, thanks to everyone for all your kudos and bookmarks and comments, they really do mean SO much to me! I respond to each and every one so if you have anything to say- good bad ugly or whatever- I'd love to hear from you. xo 
> 
> You're also welcome to shoot me ideas/suggestions/requests, here or on my tumblr (bare-bu), I'm totally up for a challenge!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed loves


	14. The Receive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's receive :^)

It had been a week. One full, blissful week since the day Hinata came over to Kageyama’s apartment, and he had come over every night since. The two clicked. As soon as Hinata realized he had control over the situation, he felt completely comfortable and at peace with the raven haired boy. They had continued “doing stuff,” as Hinata called it, but only so far as removing the smaller man’s shirt. Kageyama still hadn’t touched him, not the way he wanted to, not how he deserved, and it was starting to frustrate him just a little. 

 

“Hinata…” Kageyama panted his name, pulling apart from their kiss, bare chests touching as he laid under the orange mop.

 

“Mmm..?” Hinata glanced down, half-lidded eyes clearly distracted.

 

Kageyama wrapped his arms around Hinata’s bare back, pressing their bodies together and bringing his mouth up to the other’s ear. “Let me touch you, please.” 

 

The whisper sent delicious chills down Hinata’s spine, and he whimpered, screwing his eyes closed. Kageyama’s fingernails were tracing circles around his skin, lightly scratching it, making Hinata bury his head into the chest beneath his. The other boy’s voice was so helplessly desperate, and something about feeling so wanted left Hinata gasping and red. 

 

Kageyama’s hands trailed to the front of the smaller man's stomach, and then up to his chest, brushing over nipples and eliciting a small gasp. He continued with his hands, roaming all over the naked torso, but always coming back to the small buds. At first he simply brushed over them, but he grew more daring with each pass, lightly squeezing them, then pinching them, and finally reaching his tongue up to flick one lightly. 

 

Hinata was a mess above him, face flushed and clammy, but with every movement over his chest, he groaned and gasped. 

 

Suddenly, Kageyama worked up his courage, pushing Hinata up and over so his back was to the couch. The taller boy lowered his body between Hinata's legs to perfectly place his mouth over the right nipple. He swirled his tongue around the perky bud, alternating between sucking and nibbling, while using his left hand to pay attention to the other side of the small chest. 

 

Arching his back, Hinata moaned, pushing himself farther into Kageyama's hands. His body felt like it was on fire, but it was such a pleasant warmth. He could feel the heat pooling into his groin, his erection rubbing deliciously against the other man's chest. Hinata surrendered himself to the feeling, little whimpers egging Kageyama on as he knitted his hands in the delicate black hair. 

 

_ Oh, chibi-chan likes nipple play, does he?  _ Something snapped. Hinata's eyes flew open, his face draining of color. The voice was in his head, but he heard it crystal clear, and his body tensed in fear. “No,” he whispered instinctively. 

 

Kageyama noticed the change in Hinata immediately and stopped his actions. When he saw the smaller man's facial expression, he sat up, pulling him close in a tight hug. “It's okay, Shou, it's just you and me. I stopped, see? You said no so I stopped.”

 

Hinata's eyes flicked over to Kageyama's face, examining every pore. The color slowly faded back, warming his body like it was being defrosted, and with a shudder he groaned, falling back onto the arm of the couch. 

 

“Ugh, I was doing so good today, too…” Hinata had his arm draped over his eyes, embarrassment preventing him from revealing his face. 

 

“You let me touch you. That's more than I ever expected,” Kageyama murmured, pulling Hinata's legs over his lap, trying to ignore his erection as it brushed against the limbs. 

 

“I want more,” he moaned, wiggling his hips down so they were over the lap instead of his legs. 

 

“We will work on it,” Kageyama said with a smirk, glancing at the man's bulging sweats before picking him up in one movement and unceremoniously dumping him on his bed. 

\----

“Rolling….THUUUUNDER!” Noya’s shout from across the gym hit Hinata right in the gut, and he groaned, letting his body flop to the floor after yet another spike of his got picked up by their faithful guardian. 

 

“Come on Hinata! Get your head in the game. Noya isn’t perfect, he can’t block every ball!” Tanaka yelled from the back line. 

 

“Oi-” Noya shouted back before diving for Tanaka’s spike, the resounding smack of the ball hitting the gym floor ringing through the room. 

 

“YES!” The bald man thudded his chest with his fists. “That’s how you beat the almighty libero, my precious underclassman.” He slapped Hinata's back so hard that the orange head flew a few feet forward. 

 

Hinata turned around, laughing. He had been a little off all practice. Last night was rattling in more ways than one, and before practice started, they found out about their next practice camp. Again, Chuo would be there, and although Hinata was doing better it still put him on edge. He was clearly distracted, and it was affecting practice. 

 

“Alright, Hinata, hit this with all you got.” Kageyama glared at him before motioning to Coach Ukai for a ball. Hinata was already running, jumping up past the net, and the setter instantly flew the ball into his waiting palm. 

 

The sound Hinata's hand made against the ball was different, almost hollow, and before Noya could bend a knee the volleyball slammed against the ground by the back line. It ricocheted off the wall, bouncing back and coming to rest near Noya's feet. 

 

Hinata grinned, staring at his red palm before making a fist and pumping it into the air. Kageyama ruffled his hair. “Nice quick, shorty. Next time don't waste 8 perfect sets doing it, though.” The shorter boy stuck his tongue out at the setter’s back before running to Noya. It was time to receive. 

\----

In Kageyama's kitchen, Hinata methodically chopped an onion. His eyes were glazed over, lost in thought. He was excited for another camp, but could he face Oikawa again? He felt better lately, but would seeing that monster revert back his hard work? Going to camp also meant no fooling around with his rather enticing setter, which he had come to look forward to doing every night, especially as he got more familiar…

 

He was jolted out of thought by warm hands wrapping around his torso, under the plaid apron. “What is my favorite little chef making me tonight?” Kageyama's voice was low in his ear, causing a shiver to run down his back. 

 

Hinata felt the hands wandering around his chest, and he leaned into the touch, biting back a moan. Just as he felt himself reacting to them, the hands left his body, and the orange haired man turned to face the other indignantly. 

 

Kageyama was smirking, hands on his hips. “Stop slacking, I'm hungry.” He left the kitchen quickly. 

 

Hinata's brows furrowed together as his face heated up. That jerk just blue balled him...basically. It was 100% intentional. He reached into the pocket of his apron but paused before running into the bathroom. Hinata had the best idea for revenge. 

\-----

Grinning, the shorter boy was skillfully browning meat on the stove top, tossing onions in another pan with butter. He was humming to himself as he cooked, preparing their omelette rice with ease. As he heard Kageyama draw near, he turned to face his setter, whisking eggs in a bowl in his hands. 

 

“Are you almost done,” the raven haired boy grumbled, crossing his arms and scowling at the smiling man. 

 

Hinata continued whisking away. “Nearly there, just about to cook the eggs actually.” He turned to prepare a new pan, and snickered when he heard Kageyama suck in a sharp breath. Pretending that he didn't notice, Hinata hummed, swaying his hips rhythmically as he moved around the countertop, feeling Kageyama's gaze on him. More specifically, on his rear. “Oh.. oops!” As he bent down to pick up his spatula, Kageyama was suddenly behind him, flush with his body. He could feel everything, including the hard shaft now poking his naked backside. 

 

“Why...are you...naked?” 

 

Hinata contained his giggle. “Oh, I’m not naked, I have an apron on!”

 

Kageyama turned them around to face each other, his irritated expression barely concealing his excitement. “An apron doesn’t count as clothes when I can see your entire ass.” 

 

_ Ah, blunt- typical Kags _ . They stared at each other for a few minutes, but when the scowl wouldn’t leave the taller boy’s face, Hinata sighed. “Well, I had to get revenge somehow,” he grumbled.

 

Kageyama’s eyes lit up, and he pressed Hinata’s body to the counter with his own. “Revenge?”

 

Hinata’s face grew red, and he motioned with his hands wildly. “Y-yeah, earlier you were touching and...and just being a general tease. So, it was my turn.” He yelped- suddenly he was being lifted up, and he felt his bare butt touch the countertop. “COLD!” 

 

The setter was smirking, hands on Hinata’s thighs, right where the apron had risen to expose his naked legs. While staring at the now eye-level face, he slowly wormed his hands under the apron and began caressing the soft thighs. He would draw incredibly close to Hinata’s erection before moving away, never giving him the satisfaction of being touched. 

 

After a few tempting moments, Hinata sucked in a gasp of air as Kageyama’s fingers just skimmed his length, which twitched in response. Again, a few more rounds of this movement before he felt a thumb press over his slit, and he hissed, leaning back against the counter. The apron rose farther, exposing the head of his erection, and Kageyama couldn’t help but admire the view.

 

“Kag- T-tobio...please.” Hinata whined, his hands knotted in the apron. The taller boy didn’t have to be told twice, and he pushed the apron to the side to fondle the leaking manhood in front of him. 

 

As Kageyama worked one hand on his dick and the other on a nipple, Hinata unraveled on the countertop. He was panting, gasping for air, and with every flick of a finger over his tip he moaned loud and low. Just as the hand left him and he went to complain, suddenly he was surrounded by a warmth and wetness, and he gasped, eyes flying open. 

 

Kageyama had his mouth over his entire length, and he was sliding his head up and down on it. Hinata marveled at how his entire dick disappeared into the hole, shuddering as he felt the tongue swirl over his tip. 

 

Something felt missing, but Hinata didn't have time to think about it much, as Kageyama picked up his pace. In no time at all, Hinata cried out, body trembling as he came. When his body went slack, Kageyama stood up, wiping his mouth on the crumpled apron. 

 

He was grinning like an idiot, and Hinata couldn't help but return the smile through half-closed eyes. He grabbed the smaller boy gently, pulling him into a hug. 

 

“O-oi, Tobio, what-?”

 

Kageyama squeezed him softly. “I got to touch you,” he murmured into his ear. “I got to make you squirm with pleasure. I got to make you orgasm. I got to do all those things.” 

 

_ If I didn't know any better I'd think he was trying to get me hard again _ , Hinata thought before dismissing the idea. Face flushed, he examined the other man, boring into his eyes. Finally, he shyly smiled and returned the hug, and Kageyama exhaled a sigh of relief. 

 

“I can tell you're being sincere, dummy,” Hinata laughed, pushing himself off the counter top. 

 

Kageyama helped him, steadying his wobbly legs. “Good. I want you to know.”

 

Glancing at Kageyama's bulging pants, Hinata cocked an eyebrow at him, but the taller boy shook his head. 

 

“You can help me later… I need you to finish dinner first, slowpoke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughuuuu sorry I have been the worst lately and like quadrupled my usual new chapter upload time. It's been kind a crazy time for me and I haven't had many opportunities to write, on top of being a little writer's blocked. 
> 
> I know it's not super long but hopefully this chapter warmed your heart <3 I think I know where I want next chapter to go, so hopefully I can write and upload that by like Monday. Thanks for never leaving me my precious readers o3o


	15. Quick authors note + updates info :)

Hey friends!

I know I've been MIA for like 5 months now. Shit has been going down, I had to move back with family and my life is a mess 

But, I've finally had some time and I've been writing again. I picked this fic back up from my writers block and life block and I should have a chapter out by this weekend :) 

Thanks to everybody me who left sweet comments during my unannounced hiatus, who left kudos or bookmarked. It meant a lot. I'll be answering comments soon and except a chapter before sunday


	16. The Idea

Another small span of time had passed, enough time for Hinata to almost never demand that Kageyama stop their  _ activities _ . There hadn’t been much progression beyond the incident in the kitchen, though, which had been over a week ago. 

 

Kageyama was mulling this thought over in this head as the two lounged on the couch. Hinata was nestled between the taller man’s legs, the top of his head brushing under his chin. “Hey, Shou…” 

 

“Hm?” The smaller one stirred slightly, his eyes flicking upwards for a moment. 

 

“I was thinking..” He paused, trying to find the right words.

 

“Oh? That’s unusual.” Hinata snickered, brushing away the playful smack on his thigh.

 

“No, seriously, I was thinking...since we both  _ like _ each other, and since we’re ‘doing stuff’ as you like to say, I was just… ugh.” Kageyama had always been rather blunt, never afraid to mince words, so of course when he tries his words fail him. Taking a deep breath, he murmurs lowly, “I was just wondering if you’d like to be officially dating.”

 

After a beat, Hinata laughed, turning around to lay on his stomach. “Would I like to be  _ officially _ dating, huh.” He grinned, even though his face was met with a scowl.

 

“Don’t make fun of me for talking about.. _ feelings _ .” Kageyama made a face, as if the word was a contagious disease. Hinata shook his head adamantly.

 

“I’m not making fun of you, it’s..you’re cute sometimes, you know.” He prodded Kageyama’s chest, desperately trying to ignore the blush spreading over his face. “I g-guess we’re kinda...uh...dating anyway, r-right? So saying it officially w-wouldn’t change anything, right…?” He peered into Kageyama’s dark eyes, searching for the answer. 

 

“It wouldn’t change anything with me,” the taller man murmured, rubbing his hands over Hinata’s scalp. “I guess the only thing that would change is that I could call you my boyfriend.” He smirked lightly. “I’d have a boyfriend, and maybe I’d have to buy you presents sometimes. Shit. I don’t know if I like this idea after all.” Kageyama laughed, fully deserving the return slap he got on his chest. 

 

“Come  _ on _ ,” Hinata whined. “I don’t want presents, you do enough for me, waiting and... _ stuff _ .” He crinkled his nose, pressing forward. “I guess I kinda feel like your boyfriend already. I just don’t feel like exclaiming it to the world, I think.”

 

Kageyama nodded, still absentmindedly rubbing Hinata’s scalp, eliciting a small mewl in appreciation. “Yeah, I know what you mean…. I don’t know if I’m ready for that, either.” He pulled Hinata up in his lap. “I am ready, though, to call you my boyfriend, between you and me.”

Hinata looked at Kageyama’s face and tried to memorize every single line. He was smiling the most genuine, bright, sincere smile the smaller man had ever seen, and he never wanted to forget a single detail. 

 

“Ok, deal,” Hinata whispered, suddenly breathless, before tackling Kageyama back down to the couch in a rough kiss. 

 

\-----

 

A day later, Kageyama and Hinata were walking back from a late night practice session. They were both sweaty and tired, but Hinata made them stop for groceries.

 

“I don’t want to waste any time  _ cooking _ ,” Kageyama whined, his mind elsewhere as he scanned the way Hinata’s sweatpants gripped his legs ever so perfectly.

 

“Cooking isn’t time  _ wasted _ , Tobio-” Hinata whipped around to drag him into the store, but stumbled when he saw the look in his partner’s eyes. There was a glimmer, a yearning so honest that it burned through Hinata and right into his groin. He shivered, suddenly cold. “Fine, show me your favorite meal from Family Mart,” he muttered, pushing his boyfriend into the convenience store next door.

 

Kageyama grinned. If Hinata was feeling frisky, maybe they could move a step further. He pointed at the different meals in the fridge section. “I like the rice bowls and noodles.” After a few nods, Kageyama went to pay for the yakisoba and katsudon meals. He held the bag in one hand and grabbed Hinata’s in another as they walked down the street, both boys blushing. 

 

When they got to the cross road, Hinata nudged Kageyama. “My place or yours?”

 

The taller man grunted. “Mine is nicer, and closer...and has a bigger bed.” His eyes glinted again as they turned in the direction of his apartment.

 

Once inside, the pair heated up food and sat in front of the TV, watching a comedian and laughing. When it ended, Kageyama started flipping through channels. “Wait, no, go back-” Hinata reaching for the remote quickly, accidentally pressing buttons and sending it flying across the room. “Uh...oops.”

 

Hinata went to stand, but then he realized what was on the TV. It looked like a pay per view channel, the kind that lets you watch a few minutes before paying. On the screen were two attractive males, both naked, one beside the other. They were tangled together, the smaller of the two slowly fucking the taller one.

 

“Oh GOD,” the orange haired boy gasped, flying across the floor for the remote and promptly turning the TV off. He glanced up at Kageyama, who was still on the ground, but that glint was in his eye again. 

 

“Hinata…” Kageyama slowly slinked over to his boyfriend, leering over him. He pressed their foreheads together so that Hinata could see his face, and the desperation in it. “I want to do that with you, Shou.” His voice was low, but Hinata heard him loud and clear. 

 

A small moan hit the back of his throat. “I..I want that too, Tobio, but…” He trailed off, fear glinting in his eyes. Hinata wasn’t ready for that. He knew it, didn’t even have to pause to question himself.

 

Kageyama knew, too. He knew Hinata well, or he liked to think so, and he knew the smaller man wasn’t ready for that. But he wanted it, and the scene flashed in his memory. A light bulb went off in his head, and although he was a little intimidated by it, he voiced his idea to Hinata.

 

“What if you fuck me instead, Hinata? It’s not assumed that I fuck you, so if that makes you comfortable…” Admittedly, Kageyama had never thought he would bottom for another man, but if it meant he could have sex with Hinata, he felt like he wanted to. He wanted to do anything and everything for the man, so why not be on the receiving end? 

 

Hinata’s bright eyes scanned Kageyama’s face. It took a few moments before he said anything. “Are you...are you serious?”

 

The raven haired boy took a deep breath before blowing it out slowly. “Yeah. If that would make you comfortable, if that means we can have sex..I’d do anything for you, Shou. I’m willing to try it at least once.”

 

Hinata’s eyes glinted, and he felt his growing erection pressing into Kageyama’s thigh. “Yeah...ok. Let’s try it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I know this is shorter than usual but I'm trying to get into the swing of things again. I'm going to map out my next few chapters and write throughout the week. I'll aim for a chapter a week. <3
> 
> Thanks for your patience, friends! xo

**Author's Note:**

> My first multi-chapter story has started! I decided on a cafe AU. Both Hinata and Kageyama are in uni, and I will introduce other characters as the story progresses. I'll try to stay true to character, but bear with me, and feel free to provide constructive criticism :)
> 
> I'll update tags as the story progresses, but as is I am planning on including rape as a theme, so if that is something that you cannot handle, please stay away! I WILL tag as things come up in the chapters, but at this moment it's fairly tame. I just wanted to warn you all! xo


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